


Growing Our Family

by Angel_Dawn_Nimbus



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Recovery, Therapy, foster adoption, post accident
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29328378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_Dawn_Nimbus/pseuds/Angel_Dawn_Nimbus
Summary: Eddie needs Buck to see that he isn't alone.Maybe together they can find exactly what they both need.
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Ali Martin (Past), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Henrietta "Hen" Wilson/Karen Wilson, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 13
Kudos: 148





	1. Lost Within The Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> It has taken me months to get to this point, of finally releasing this story. To start with I completely lost motivation for four months. Then when I finally started writing again my laptop battery decided it was time to die. My laptop is not even a year old (six months at the time of the battery failing) 
> 
> I had a loaner laptop where I actually started to rewrite this story, as apparently, I don’t know how to back things up properly. My laptop was away at HP and the only copies of my story I had were from June. I needed the December copy. 
> 
> Christmas holidays and New Years delayed the arrival of the new battery, but Mid-January I was able to continue writing. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.

The roughness of the plaster cast was jarring against his hands. His hands had jumped straight to his plastered leg as he awoke from yet another nightmare. 

Buck swallowed roughly as he gripped the plaster tightly between his hands. 

The throbbing pain should have notified him of the limb being still attached to his body, but his mind was still clouded with terror, anxiety and the desperateness for a more restful sleep.

The desperateness that came with nightmare fueled dreams that had brought him many sleepless nights since his accident. 

It would take him hours to get back to sleep.

There was always a struggle trying to clear his mind after a nightmare.

He usually would stare blankly at the ceiling until his mind finally became silent enough for him to drift off into a restless sleep.

Buck took in a deep shuddering breath as he reached for his phone on the nightstand. 

Research it was. 

That would usually at least alleviate some of his anxiety.

Which was weird since usually research sometimes made people more anxious. 

He tried to focus on the words on the screen, but the brightness was overwhelming to his sleep deprived eyes.

_Nightmares usually occur later in the night and cause strong feelings of terror, fear, distress or anxiety._

Well, he’s always had some form of anxiety. 

It was something he had been struggling with since childhood. 

He had been a quiet child if you could believe that.

There was one person who he could blame a majority of his insecurities on.

His Father.

If you could call him that.

Elijah didn’t help his anxieties, but that is a story for a later time. 

While he had his phone grasped in his hand, his fingers automatically started dialing Eddie’s number. 

He froze momentarily remembering Eddie himself was more than likely as lost as he was. 

His phone dropped into his lap. 

He couldn’t bring himself to finish dialing Eddie’s number. Or anyone else in his contact list for that matter. 

Was this his life now? 

_ 

Buck awoke to a steady banging on his front door.

Not this again.

It had been going on for days.

First, it had been Hen trying to get his attention.

He had felt guilty ignoring Hen. She had spent an hour sitting at his front door talking to him, trying desperately to pique his attention. 

The guilt hung around for hours after she had left.

Chimney had tried a different technique, but that hadn’t worked either.

After Chimney’s visit, Buck had his locks changed.

He wanted to answer his friends, but he couldn’t make himself respond.

They couldn’t understand how he was feeling. He barely knew how he was feeling.

So, instead he just isolated himself from the world. He had no outside contact. People would come to him and in return he wouldn’t answer.

He had shut himself away.

Cut off all contact with the outside world.

No one could get through to him. No matter how hard they tried.

They’d give up eventually.

_

“Buck this is getting ridiculous. You can’t ignore us forever. We just want to help you.” Hen pleaded from the other side of the apartment door.

Hen had returned.

He had lost count of how many visitors he had over the last… How long had it been since the accident? All his days alone had blended together, time ran differently nowadays.

He didn’t want to admit to himself that he was depressed, but all the time he was just floating along in the darkness, waiting for any semblance of light that never seemed to come.

“Buck. Honey, you don’t need to be alone in all this.”

Buck tried to curl himself into a ball, but when he shifted it sent a shooting pain through his leg. He tried to stifle the cry, but it managed to slip passed his lips.

“Buck−” Hen rattled the handle roughly, to no avail.

Buck clamped his lips shut as tears slipped down his cheeks. The throbbing in his leg was a constant reminder of what he could now never have.

“Fine Buck. But just know that we aren’t going to give up on you. You aren’t alone in this.”

Buck curled in tighter on himself and pulled the blankets further over his head to try block the sound of the echoing thumping on his door.

Eventually, the sound of footsteps faded down the hallway.

He was alone once again.

_

“Buck! Open the damn door!”

An angry Athena was not someone he wanted to cross. The tone of her voice nearly made him open the door, but at the last second, he hesitated.

“Buckaroo, you have us all worried.”

The guilt cascaded over him in waves.

_Buck, they are just lying to you. They don’t actually care about you. They are just trying to get through to you for their own benefit._

Buck sat down on the sofa that had essentially become his main place of residence. The door now completely forgotten.

_Listen to Athena out there. She doesn’t really care about you. You’ll always be that dumb kid to her. The dumb kid who always messes up and just gets in the way._

Buck tried to block out the thoughts that always seemed to hang around him.

_Can you ever do anything right?_

Buck grit his teeth and rolled over.

_Nothing you ever do will be good enough._

_

“Buck, I know you can hear me.”

Buck’s head snapped up. This was the first time Eddie had stopped by.

“I know you’re hurting; I know you just want to shut yourself away and ignore all the pain you are going through.”

“But I’m not going to let you do that. I’m going to keep coming back until you talk to me.”

For what felt like days Buck listened to Eddie sit by his front door, not always talking but just being there.

“Shannon wrote me a letter. Turns out she had always planned on leaving again. I don’t know why I held on for so long. Did she like me hanging out, just waiting for her to come back? I’m just so angry and I don’t even know anymore. I have no one to talk to about this. I know I’m just forcing you to listen at this point, but none of us know how to get through to you.”

He could hear Eddie sigh, deeply from the other side of the door.

“I’m trying here Buck. I just wish you would try, too. I know you feel hopeless right now, but I know you. You want to fight. You want to get back out there; you are just struggling to get passed the doubt. Of feeling lost. But you can do this. We can get through this. We all just want to help.”

“I want to be there for you, like you’ve always been there for me.”

There was a part of him that wanted to open the door to Eddie, but there was a stronger part of him holding back.

“Please.”

That part just wanted to sit alone in the darkness and wallow.

How did he even get here?

How did he get so lost, that he just wanted to hide himself away?

Was he just becoming numb to all the pain and the loneliness he was feeling?

All the time it felt like he was drowning and couldn’t reach the surface for air.

Was this the start of a panic attack? He hadn’t had one of those since he was a teenager.

He could vaguely hear himself gasping for air.

Everything sounded hollow, like he couldn’t quite grasp the words that were being aimed at him.

It went dark for a moment.

The next minute he could see Eddie crouching in front of him with a frantic look on his face.

How did Eddie get in here?

He could even bring himself to react to Eddie’s presence.

Buck knew he was struggling to grasp onto reality.

He was struggling to breathe. Like drifting through space without a spacesuit. Weightless, deprived of oxygen. And what was fast approaching was a black hole ready to suck him in if he wasn’t careful.

If he weren’t careful, he’d be lost to the darkness.

Was this his normal now? Was he always going to feel desperate for the air that didn’t seem to be reaching his lungs?

He was desperate to feel anything other than this.

But what would it take to get there?

_

What had happened in those few moments of darkness? No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t quite recall.

He wasn’t meant to be feeling like this.

He should be trying to pull himself together, but no matter how much he struggled there was no way he was going to be able to calm himself down.

How did he lose his way? When did he become this person, this person who was full of loneliness, anxiety, desperateness, anger and heartbreak? When did he become this person?

How was he supposed to recognize himself anymore?

“We’re going to get through this together.”

_

“Come on Buck. One more step. You can do it, man.” 

Buck ground his teeth together. He was clutching support bars. Trying to walk for the first time after his crush injury three months ago. 

It had taken a lot to get here. At first, he kept trying to push Eddie away. Yet, Eddie fought just as hard to stay.

He still had his moments where he tried to hide himself away. Yet, Eddie kept dragging him back from the brink.

Eddie had been by his side from the beginning. Starting with getting him through each day, motivating him to keep pushing for his recovery.

Eddie had been there every step of the way. It had been relentless. Buck had just been so exhausted, angry, and lost through his recovery.

And he had taken it all out on Eddie. 

Which usually meant that he screamed at Eddie many times already without meaning to or wanting to. 

It all started to come back to him how he treated Eddie.

_I don’t want you here._

_Just leave. You know you are only here to feel better about yourself._

_I don’t need you._

_I don’t want you here._

_I don’t want you here._

_I don’t…_

Yet, Eddie never backed down. He kept pushing back and being there, even when Buck thought he didn’t need it.

Eddie stayed.

_

Buck pushed himself forward towards Eddie. 

He just needed someone to vent to, to motivate him and Eddie was always there. 

Eddie hadn’t gone anywhere. No matter how many times Buck yelled and cried at him in utter frustration. 

Eddie never left his side.

Every step Buck took he could feel the burning strain in his leg. Was all this going to be worth it? Was he putting all this work in for nothing? What was he getting out of this? Having his leg crushed had given him a new perspective on his life. And it hadn’t always been good. 

But he was trying to move forward. 

He didn’t like feeling this way. 

It had taken months of struggling to get to this point. 

But he had finally made some progress.

It had been a long, difficult road. It had just seemed never ending. 

He had been grateful for Eddie’s unwavering support. He couldn’t have done this alone. 

There had been moments where he had succumbed to his depression. Those days he couldn’t drag himself off the couch. He wouldn’t answer texts or calls. He had just wanted to be alone. He had even shut Eddie out, not that Eddie let him.

Eddie had never let him wallow for too long. Eddie was the life preserver he needed to help keep him afloat. 

Buck could feel the sweat running down his face with the strain to take a few measly steps. 

“Alright. Take five. ” Jack, his physical therapist walked off, leaving Buck to prepare for their next set. 

Eddie handed Buck a water bottle. 

“You’re doing great.” 

“Bite me asshole.”

“I don’t know Buck; I think you might like that.”

Buck could feel his cheeks heating up, and it wasn’t just from the exertion from straining his injured leg. 

_

“Did I ever thank you for sticking this out with me?”

“Buck. You don’t need to thank me. That’s not what I did this for. This was as much for me as it was for you. I need you back where you belong. Having my back.”

_

Something had changed between him and Eddie a long time ago.

They had grown closer than they had ever been.

He liked to think Eddie felt something for him. He wouldn’t have stuck around this long if he didn’t.

Right?

Was he meant to bring it up?

Or was he just supposed to go on as they were?

He was usually the impulsive one, but when it came to this, he didn’t know what to do.

Would Eddie still be there for him after Buck had fully healed?

_

It was finally his first day back after six months of medical leave.

_But do they really want you back?_

“Buckaroo. If you don’t move your ass Chim is going to eat all the food.”

Buck shook the thought from his mind and raced into the loft.

He’d deal with it later.

_

“Can I talk to you about something?”

There was something about Eddie’s demeanour that caught Buck’s attention. It was unlike Eddie to sound so… Shy? Hesitant? Wait, was Eddie actually nervous?

“What’s going on?”

Eddie had pulled Buck aside at work. They wouldn’t have long until someone noticed that they were missing. Or the alarm would interrupt whatever Eddie was trying to say to Buck.

“I don’t know what’s happening. But for a long time, I think things have changed between us. I’ve been trying to— I don’t know how to do this. Why is this so hard?”

All the air seemed to leave his lungs. 

A breathless laugh escaped from his lips.

He took a step closer to Eddie.

He didn’t know exactly what Eddie was trying to tell him, but he had an inkling. And he was going to help him along.

Buck reached for Eddie’s hand.

“I love you, too.”

Eddie watched Buck closely; he was silent for a moment.

“How do you know that’s what I was trying to say?”

“I can only hope.”

Eddie stepped even closer to Buck.

Buck’s heart was racing. He couldn’t take his eyes away from Eddie. He was holding tightly to Eddie’s hand; he wasn’t going to let go anytime soon.

Buck was getting impatient. Who was going to make the first move?

The stare down the two of them were having was taking too long.

“If you’re not going to do it, then I will.”

Eddie laughed and lifted the hand Buck wasn’t holding and cupped the side of Buck’s face and pressed their lips together. Buck’s eyes slipped shut. He tightened his grip on Eddie’s hand.

Buck could vaguely hear a throat clearing in the background, but his focus was on the feel of Eddie’s lips against his.

“I’m going to need you both to fill in some forms.”


	2. Is This Something We Want To Do?

Buck had been nervously pacing, trying to come up with something.

Anything.

But nothing he was coming up with was good enough.

After being with Eddie for almost a year, Eddie deserved something special.

Buck groaned and flopped down on his sofa.

He wasn’t getting anywhere.

He had never done this before. Had never wanted to do this before.

_

“Want to go for the title?”

This was it; Buck was putting himself out there.

Hopefully, he could do this. Finish getting the words out.

“Are we doing this again?” Eddie smirked up at Buck.

“I don’t know. Are we?” Buck took a step closer to Eddie.

His hands were shaking a little.

“What about the title of Mr. Buckley-Diaz?” He tried to make his voice steady, but he was sure his voice broke a little.

The smirk slipped off Eddie’s face at the realization of where Buck was going.

“Are you— What?” Eddie laughed, but it came out strangled.

“Will you marry me?”

“Fuck! You’re actually serious?” Eddie huffed out a laugh. 

“I swear you’re going to kill me one day Buck. But I’ll take it. I’ll take you. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

_

Things had changed since Buck had asked Eddie to marry him a few weeks ago.

It was all so surreal.

But how did he end up here?

_

Buck was sitting awkwardly in front of his new therapist Thomas. He doesn’t think he’d been this uncomfortable in his life.

He didn’t know where to begin.

“Mr. Buckley. This session is for you. I can’t help you if you don’t say anything.”

Maybe he should start at the beginning.

After he had proposed to Eddie, they had realized there were a lot of personal issues they needed to work through.

They really should have hashed everything out before they had gotten engaged, but it was just like them to drag their feet.

So, here he was trying to organize his thoughts, so he knew where to begin with Tom.

There were things in his life that he needed to work through.

He needed to work on the aspects of his life that held him back from being completely open with Eddie. He needed to work on them before he took on too much and began to overwhelm himself.

“Maybe we should start with your parents?”

“What about them?” Buck tended to shy away from talking about his parents.

It didn’t bring up the best memories.

“What were they like? How about we start there?” Tom picked up his pen and gestured to Buck to start talking.

Buck could feel himself closing off. He didn’t know how to talk about his parents. If he couldn’t talk to Maddie about them, how was he supposed to tell a complete stranger?

“What’s there to talk about they’re dead.”

“In what way? Dead in the literal sense. Or dead to you? Give me something to go on here Evan.”

“I prefer Buck.”

“Alright, Buck. Please give me something.”

“They abandoned me.”

“So, they are dead to you?” Tom was scribbling down notes all the while flicking his eyes to and from the page to where Buck was sitting across from him.

“No, they are dead. Both of them.”

“What happened to them if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Evelyn died in a car accident. Elijah killed himself because he didn’t want to take care of me anymore.”

Tom blinked over at him. Buck’s voice had been so cold when he had spoken about his parents.

“Buck, they died, that wasn’t your fault.”

“I never said it was.”

“No— you didn’t, but your tone suggests otherwise.”

“Fine, you want to know what happened?! I was ten when Mom died. Maddie had just just left home. After that, Dad cut himself off from everyone. Especially me. He couldn’t look after me, didn’t want to look after me. So, he shot himself— and I was the one to find him. I had just turned eleven—”

Buck’s chest began to tighten, he was starting to panic.

The room swam around him.

He had to pull himself together.

He needed to get through, not just for him. But to be able to move forward with Eddie. He wanted to make progress. He didn’t want to stagnate anymore.

Buck hadn’t thought about Them in years. He could feel the angry tears rolling down his face.

This is why he kept his past behind him. He hated how it made him feel.

This was one of the things he had been holding back from Eddie. He had never been able to be completely open with him.

But maybe he needed to start somewhere.

“And then there was foster care…”

_

“How did it… Buck?” Buck stalked passed Eddie, who had been waiting down the hall in the waiting room.

Therapy hadn’t gone well.

But maybe it was a place to start.

_

“Did you want to talk about it?”

Buck was staring mournfully out the window; he hadn’t spoken a word to Eddie.

“What’s there to talk about?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing here.”

“That makes two of us.” Buck muttered.

“Fine. I’ll start. My parents kicked me out of home when I was seventeen because I came out as gay. I lived with Abuela and Abuelo here in LA for three months, that was until I forced everything down. I already knew that Shannon was interested in me, so when I went back to El Paso, I asked her out. My parents accepted me back after that. But I lost a big piece of myself that day.”

“You never told me that.”

“I’m telling you now.”

Eddie struggled with being open and honest about his emotions, his automatic response was to mask them. He knew he was damaged, sometimes he thought beyond repair.

Healing took time, he knew that. But he would have a setback and be right back to where he started. It was an endless cycle he couldn’t get out of. He was trying, but sometimes it didn’t feel like it.

The only reason he was holding himself back was his parent’s voice in his head constantly criticizing his every decision.

It didn’t even matter if Christopher was involved or not.

They would constantly belittle every aspect of his life trying to control him. If he made what his parents’ thought was the wrong decision, it would feel like they were condemning him. His parents had always expected too much of him and also at the same time he could never do anything right in their eyes.

Eddie obviously resented his parents and everything they seemed to stand for. It felt like they never knew when to let anything go when it came to him and his parenting.

He had a lot of issues that he needed to work through.

“Thank you for telling me.” Buck cleared his throat and wiped away the tears that had fallen.

Buck's biggest issue was that he constantly felt like he was being abandoned, which he knew stemmed from his childhood. That was still something he was struggling with. He was waiting for the other shoe to drop where his found family would just up and leave him.

He would cling tighter to what he had when he had it.

He needed reassurances that he wasn’t alone.

He was trying to be more open about his fears…

“I— When I was ten my Dad killed himself…”

It was time for him to start moving on.

He wanted to focus more on what happiness his relationship with Eddie brought him and the family he and Eddie had made together.

Not his past.

_

“Do you think we are ready for tomorrow?”

_

What were they thinking?

They couldn’t do this.

They could barely look after themselves.

Well, Buck could barely look after himself. Eddie at least had experience raising Christopher.

What experience did Buck have?

Was this something they were actually going to do?

Buck yearned for a large, loving family. Now was his chance to grow their family and he was hesitating. Why was he hesitating? Eddie wanted to raise a family with him. He should grab it with both hands and refuse let go.

He did want this. He desperately wanted this.

He had to let go of his negativity. This was why he was in therapy. It was— You could say it was helping, he was being more open with Eddie and himself. But there was still a lot he was holding onto.

This was all going to take time, not just healing. Buck obviously knew that healing was going to take time, but the foster adoption process they were about to start.

Buck and Eddie were planning to expand their family.

And Buck was terrified.

_

Buck could feel the sweat beading on his temple.

His heart was racing.

The older woman who had introduced herself as Evelyn, who would be conducting their interview. Evelyn was open and friendly; But that didn’t make it any easier.

Buck had been expecting a stern older woman before coming in for the interview.

Evelyn was focussed on the pair in front of her.

She had been taking notes obsessively as she asked them each a series of the questions.

Evelyn’s gaze was making Buck anxious.

Why were they doing this to themselves?

What were they getting out of it?

"Mr. Buckley. Your work history please." 

Buck shook himself when Eddie nudged him. 

He kept stumbling over his words, trying to figure out how to word his answer.

“Uhh— I guess I’ve always been trying to find myself. I’ve tried everything from bartending, SEALs training, construction. Nothing seemed to fit. I knew I wanted stability, but I just didn’t know where to find it.”

Buck shifted closer to Eddie, looking for any semblance of support.

Eddie had reached for Buck’s hand and gave his fingers a squeeze, before resting his hand on Buck’s thigh.

“By chance I found the LAFD. I finally had a purpose. Before I knew it, my team had become my family,”

“Before my relationship with Eddie and Christopher, it was my everything. I didn’t have anything else outside of the 118. I can’t imagine doing anything else. We have some days that break us down. Yet others that are rewarding and keep us fighting, but after everything we go through, we have each other.”

It was Eddie's turn next.

Did he really have to talk about the army?

It never brought back good memories.

His time in the army flashed before his eyes. Eddie swallowed tightly before pushing the memories aside.

“My parents have always critical of my choices in joining the army.”

Eddie cleared his throat, sharply. Seemingly shaking off a stray thought.

“I had to support my family. Christopher needed surgeries, therapies, medications. There was no way I’d be able to afford it on a construction workers salary, so I joined the Army for stability. My ex-wife Shannon resented my choices, but I had to do whatever I could to support them.”

Becoming a firefighter seemed to be the next plausible step after the Army.

He had no idea that it would have brought him here today.

_

Evelyn wasn't backing down. She was getting to the more emotional questions. 

Not to say that the other questions were easy, but Buck had a sinking feeling that the next question was going to be harder to answer.

“We’ll start with you on this question Evan. What was your childhood like?”

Buck knew this was coming, even though he knew it was coming, he was still dreading talking about it. He didn’t even talk to Maddie about their childhood. They tended to avoid remembering that time in their lives.

It was something they just wanted to forget.

“My childhood was… Lonely? There isn’t a whole lot I can say about my childhood. My parents weren’t around a lot. Even before they died. I have an older sister Maddie. There is a pretty big age gap of nine years between us. Maddie took care of me more than our parents did. Well, that was until she got married and left me with them. They weren’t bad parents; they were more focussed on appearances. Instead of their own flesh and blood.”

Buck swallowed roughly before continuing. He was squeezing Eddie’s fingers tightly, trying to ground himself.

“Maddie left home to marry her now ex-husband when I was ten. Everything went downhill from there. I know it doesn’t make sense, but when our mother was killed in a car accident not long after, I took that as her abandoning me. And to make it worse, my Dad couldn’t handle it, couldn’t handle me. So, he, uh— He killed himself.”

“And I found him.”

Buck could feel the angry tears prick behind his eyes.

_Buck, this isn’t a therapy session. This is an interview. She doesn’t want to hear your sob story._

He took a deep breath to steady himself.

To try clear that thought away.

“I spent a lot of my time alone in foster care. After aging out of foster care, I left to find myself. I found myself with Eddie and Christopher. While I am still trying to work on the part of myself where I think people are just going to abandon me at the drop of a hat. I’m trying to make myself realize they won’t, but it is a slow process. I want to be able to show another child that someone out there loves them and isn’t going to abandon them.”


	3. Are We Really Doing This?

He never thought he’d get here.

After everything that had happened in his life, he never thought he’d get to this point.

No matter how much he had wanted all of this in the past, it all had seemed so far out of reach.

Had he always been this impatient before?

The waiting was the hardest part.

He couldn’t wait to marry Eddie.

_

After everything he had been through, he thought he would never do this again.

Shannon leaving had torn him apart.

He hadn’t wanted to put himself through that again.

But everything was different this time round.

That was such a cliché.

But it was true. Everything was different this time around.

Buck had changed his life.

He hadn’t realized how lost he had been before he met Buck.

Before Buck, there had been his trying relationship with Shannon. After coming home from Afghanistan, he fought restlessly against his mind. It didn’t mean everything just went back to normal. Shannon didn’t understand that he was struggling to assimilate back into everyday life. He would have night terrors, PTS flashbacks and moments where he would disassociate without realizing he was doing it.

Shannon decided that she couldn’t handle him at his worst and left him.

That was the first time she had left him.

After Shannon left him and Christopher, he had struggled to find himself and be a single father at the same time. Christopher meant everything to him. There was never a question about that. He tried to be strong for Christopher. He put so much pressure on himself to become someone his son could be proud of.

But, he was drowning. 

He tried to be the best father he could be for Christopher.

There were days it would feel like he wasn’t all there. Like he was just existing and not living.

After the Army, he didn’t know who he was anymore. It had been like he had left a part of himself in Afghanistan and didn’t know how to get it back.

He had felt hollow.

He would also hide his feelings and emotions from Christopher and those around him.

He never wanted to show people he was breaking. 

That he was weak. 

He was trying not to hide from everything he was feeling.

It was a struggle to express himself to Buck. He tried, but it never came out right.

He wanted his vows to show Buck how much he loved him and would be lost without him.

It was almost time.

_

Eddie stepped out into his and Buck’s backyard.

He had Christopher at his side, ready to walk him down the aisle.

Eddie scanned the backyard and noticed that the sun was starting to set.

There was a glow of lanterns leading up the aisle.

This was finally happening.

Christopher wrapped a hand around Eddie’s right forearm. Christopher and Eddie had been practicing walking down the aisle together the last few days, Christopher had wanted to get it right.

To Eddie, all that mattered to him was that Christopher was the one walking him down the aisle.

Gentle music played as they walked down the aisle.

What the song was, he couldn’t tell you. He was fully focussed on walking towards where Buck would meet him.

Eddie hugged Christopher tightly before letting Christopher move to stand next to him while they waited for Buck.

If he could be completely honest, Eddie barely took notice of the rest of the guests. He knew they were there to support them, but right now all that mattered to him was Buck about to walk towards him.

To marry him.

Eddie turned to see Buck and Maddie walking towards him.

Maddie already had tears glistening in her eyes.

She was clutching Buck’s arms tightly as she walked him down the aisle.

Buck looked resplendent. There seemed to be no other way to describe him.

He had his gaze locked onto Eddie’s with a bright grin that didn’t seem it would ever leave his face.

Buck and Maddie stopped in front of Eddie.

Maddie clung onto Buck tightly.

She was whispering something into his ear that Eddie couldn’t hear. She was getting ready to hand Buck over to Eddie, she just needed a moment before letting him go.

Maddie brushed her tears away before stepping away from Buck.

She stood opposite Christopher on the other side of the altar.

“Hi.” Eddie breathed; he couldn’t tear his gaze away from Buck’s.

Buck reached out and linked his hands with both of Eddie’s.

“Are we really doing this?”

“Well, I guess so. I mean everyone is here.”

Eddie gave Buck’s hands a squeeze.

“I guess we should. Since everyone is here.”

“Eddie, Evan. If you are ready.”

Buck snorted out a laugh before focussing fully on the ceremony.

“Are we ready Evan?”

“No, we are not starting that again.” Buck let go of one of Eddie’s hands to push his against his shoulder. “Ok, I think we're ready now.”

“Eddie and Evan wanted something short and sweet. So, I won’t drag this out like these two seem to be doing.”

Kelsey, their officiant tried to guide the ceremony towards actually starting. Buck and Eddie were not helping her at all in that sense.

“Evan, do you take Edmundo Anthony Diaz to be your husband in friendship and love, to be there through the best days and the worst and whatever may come. Today, tomorrow and in each day of your lives?”

Buck squeezed Eddie’s hands tightly in between his own. Eddie could see tears had started to build in Buck’s eyes. Buck blinked a few times trying to hold back the tears.

“I absolutely do.”

“Eddie, do you take Evan James Buckley to be your husband in friendship and love, to be there through the best days and worst and whatever may come. Today, tomorrow and in each day of your lives?”

“I do.” Eddie grinned brightly at Buck.

“Evan. Whenever you are ready. Will you please say your vows to Eddie?”

Buck cleared his throat. He was already choking up. The tears were already starting to build in his eyes.

“I hadn’t realized how lost I was before I met you. I thought I had everything I needed. I was content with how my life had finally turned out. But what I hadn’t realized; was that before you, outside of being a firefighter I had nothing to come home to. I was lonely. You pulled me out of myself. I will always treasure our friendship and everything it has been and will become. Having you by my side through one of the lowest points in my life— I don’t know where I would’ve been without you. I love you and I love Christopher and any other children we have together. I promise to show you all every day.”

Eddie let out a breathless chuckle. He could feel the tears pricking behind his eyes. They were going to fall. He knew they were.

“Buck, you know I am not good at expressing myself. No matter how hard I try to tell you how much you mean to me— I guess I always seem to get stuck. I’ve always been one to hide what I am feeling. I don’t want to do that with you. In the past I’ve tried to show you how much you mean to me; I don’t know if it always comes across that way. I don’t want to hide any part myself from you. I want to be able to express to you how much I love you every day without tripping up on my words. I’m going to try now. Having you in my life made me realize I found the part of me, I thought I had lost in Afghanistan. I hadn’t comprehended how much I needed you in my life. Until we almost lost you. Every moment I have with you, I will treasure forever. I’m looking forward to making more memories with you and our growing family.”

A lone tear had slipped free from Buck’s eye, and he let out a breathless laugh. “Not good at expressing yourself? That is a bold faced lie.”

“More often than not I struggle with expressing myself. Today was a special occasion, so I thought I should put some effort into it.”

Eddie lifted their hands and brushed away the tears that had spilled from Buck’s eyes. 

“Eddie. Whenever you are ready. It is time to exchange rings.” 

Eddie dropped Buck’s hands and turned to face Christopher.

Christopher was already waiting with the ring in his hand. Christopher handed him Buck’s wedding band. Eddie pressed a kiss to Christopher’s head. Eddie turned back to face Buck. He lifted Buck’s left hand, placing the ring at the top of Buck’s finger.

“Evan, I give you this ring as a symbol of my everlasting love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you." Eddie slipped the ring down Buck’s finger and placed a gentle kiss to his hand.

Buck turned to Maddie to take Eddie’s ring from her. He turned back to Eddie and lifted his left hand in his own and placed the ring hovering over his left ring finger.

“Eddie, I give you this ring as a symbol of my eternal love and devotion to you. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you." Buck pushed the ring down Eddie’s finger.

“In the presence of your friends and family you have declared yourselves to each other through love, commitment and promises. It is my great honour and delight to declare you husband and husband. You may now seal your vows with a kiss."

Eddie took a step closer to Buck and brought their lips together in a sweet, gentle kiss, which seemed to leave him breathless.

“It is my great pleasure to finally introduce you to Eddie and Evan Buckley-Diaz!”


	4. What Do You Mean?

“Do you know when they are supposed to call?” Buck was anxiously pacing through the loft of the firehouse. All the while biting the skin on his thumbnail.

Bobby was observing Buck from the kitchen.

What advice could he give to Buck?

Was he so far out of his depth here? This wasn’t like the other times he would give advice to Buck. He needed to be... What was the word?

Could he muster up some form of valuable advice for Buck to help ease his worries? 

Maybe it wasn’t advice he needed to give.

Maybe he just needed to ease some of Buck’s concerns. That was what it was really about. Buck was more than likely going crazy with every insecurity floating around his head. Every negative statement, insult or even joke thrown his way had been deeply embedded in his psyche.

Did he have issues stemming from his childhood? Or was it more recent than that? 

“I can’t tell you not to worry about the phone call. That would be like beating a dead horse."

“I am terrified that I am going to screw up. What if I can’t be a good father? What if I turn out like my own father?”

Bobby put the knife down on the chopping board and walked over to Buck.

“I’ve never met your father, but from what little I’ve heard about him, you are nothing like him. You are already a better father than yours ever was. You have given your love so freely to those around you. Yes, we’ve all seen you struggle, and I know you are still struggling. But you’ve come though fighting. You have given so much love to Christopher, we all know you fell in love with him the moment you knew of his existence. Any other children you and Eddie have together will be just as loved. You already do it. Every day.”

“He’s right, you know.”

Eddie walked over to where Buck and Bobby were standing.

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about. We are going to love any child we bring into our home. You have so much love to give, any child will be lucky to have you as their father. I know Christopher is.”

Buck leaned into Eddie, looking for some form of comfort from his husband.

“You both will be great.”

_

“Mr. Buckley-Diaz. This is Evelyn from Extraordinary Families. We have gone over the application you and your husband have submitted to us. We have received glowing recommendations from all of your references. All your checks have come back clear, we are delighted to tell you that your application has been approved.”

Buck was speechless. He had been standing washing one of the trucks when his phone had rung. He had the dripping sponge still in his hand. He barely noticed the water dripping onto his work boots.

“What?”

“Your application has been approved.”

“Uh— Wow.”

“We’ll be in touch soon Mr. Buckley-Diaz.”

_

Buck ran over to Eddie and nearly tackled him over in his excitement.

“What’s going on? Buck?”

Eddie felt the weight of Buck against his back.

“We got approved!” Buck all but screamed into his ear.

It took Eddie a few moments to comprehend what Buck was telling him.

Eddie tried to turn around, but Buck was still clinging to his back laughing joyfully.

“What’s going on here?”

Bobby had heard the commotion and came out to see Buck clinging onto Eddie’s back with a bright grin that didn’t seem to be leaving his face anytime soon.

“We got approved.”

_

Evelyn had called them earlier to say they had a young boy who was looking to be adopted.

It had been three weeks since that first phone call.

Buck had been anxious that they would never receive another phone call.

They could have been left waiting for longer, in all honesty.

But they were lucky to be here this soon.

Finally, they were here.

They hadn’t been expecting to meet a child this soon.

Evelyn was standing at their front door with a little boy. He had dark brown hair and bright blue eyes. He was trying to hide himself behind Evelyn’s legs. He carefully peeked out and watching Buck and Eddie warily.

They had wanted Christopher to be out here with them when Evelyn arrived, but Christopher stubbornly refused to leave the confines of his room. 

The moment Eddie locked eyes with the little boy, his heart had melted.

But the small boy was trembling in fear.

Buck and Eddie must look imposing being as tall as they were.

Eddie’s heart sank. Was this how it would always be each time they met a child? Would every child they ever meet be scared of them?

He didn’t want the little boy to be terrified of them. 

“This is Ethan. Do you want to tell Eddie and Evan how old you are?”

“Five.” Ethan pressed himself closer to Evelyn. He was still trembling. He had a tight grip on Evelyn’s pant leg. His fingers were turning white with the effort to hold on. Ethan was soft-spoken that they could barely hear him. They didn’t know much about his background; they hadn’t even known his name before now. What they did know is that his father had been sent to prison. For what they didn’t know, but Ethan had been left with a neighbour for days until social services had been called.

His mother had never claimed him either.

Ethan had been thrown aside, only to be forgotten by the only family he knew.

“Hey buddy. What do you think we should do? Our son Christopher has lots of toys to choose from. Do you want to come see?”

Eddie crouched down to Ethan’s level and held a hand out for the small boy to take. He held his breath and waited on Ethan’s reaction.

Ethan let go of Evelyn’s pant leg and reached out a shaky, hesitant hand to Eddie.

Eddie gently grasped Ethan’s hand and rose to his feet and they wandered over to the large chest in the corner of the room, navigating around the scattered toys and pencils on the living room floor. Eddie gently let go of Ethan’s hand and sat down on the floor next to Christopher’s chest of toys. Eddie glanced around the room at the chaos Christopher had left in his wake this morning.

Christopher had yet to put them away, like they had asked. He had been acting out a lot more recently. Mostly ignoring them when they would ask him to do things. It wasn’t like him. Obviously, he would drag his feet when it usually came to tidy-up time.

But this was different.

Was Christopher jealous of the attention they were giving the adoption process?

It wasn’t as if they were neglecting to give Chris the love and attention he deserved. They were trying to equally split their time between everything. Maybe they were letting Christopher fall through the cracks.

Buck sat down across from Eddie and pulled out the toy fire truck he had gotten Christopher for his eighth birthday.

“I always wanted one of these when I was little.” Buck had a look of childlike glee on his face as he showed Ethan the truck in his hands.

“Buck, you get to ride in one almost every day.”

“It’s not the same. Those are not toys.”

Eddie had heard stories about Buck’s past with borrowing the fire trucks. When Hen and Chimney had told him those stories, he had to admit he was jealous. Which made no sense. They were married now. He had nothing to be jealous of. 

Ethan was watching Buck play with the fire truck warily. Yet Ethan kept flicking his gaze from the middle of the room to where Evelyn was watching from the entryway and back towards the toys in the centre of the room.

Did Ethan still look terrified?

How were they meant to get through to him if he was scared of them?

They were lost and scrambling.

They were out of their depth here. This was the one thing they didn’t think about when they decided to go through this process.

Obviously, they knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but they hadn’t realized how hard it could be.

How were they meant to find their feet and manage to get Ethan out of his shell, even just a little?

Evelyn was about to open her mouth when Buck spoke directly to Ethan, looking over at him from his spot on the floor. 

“Do you like fire trucks, Ethan?”

Ethan nodded shyly. He decided Buck and Eddie didn’t seem so scary and sat down next to Eddie.

Ethan had his gaze fully locked onto the fire truck and lost to it.

Buck made the fire truck race around the small area, all the while mimicking the siren. Ethan hesitantly reached for the fire truck, but decided instead to snatch his hand back quickly.

Buck smiled over at Ethan and handed the truck over to him. Buck gently spoke to Ethan, while Eddie watched on.

How was he meant to include himself? He felt awkward sitting on the floor, watching. He felt as if he was on the outside looking in. It was more to do with letting himself go. He struggled to open up and let himself fully be.

“Diaz! Are we boring you?”

Eddie mentally shook himself and noticed Buck was watching him with a cheeky grin. Ethan was watching Eddie shyly from his seat next to Buck.

“It’s Buckley-Diaz to you. Thank you very much.” Buck blinked a few times, he looked down smiling bashfully.

_

Eddie heard the clicking of Christopher’s crutches on the wooden floors.

“Hey Superman. Did you want to come meet Ethan?”

Eddie held out a hand to Christopher. Christopher dropped his crutches and took his father’s hand. Chris used Eddie’s hand for balance to maneuverer himself down to the floor. Chris pressed himself tightly to Eddie’s side.

Eddie internally breathed a sigh of relief that Christopher was at least trying.

Chris clung to the fabric of Eddie’s shirt while he watched Buck playing with Ethan.

A small wave of jealously crashed over Christopher.

_That’s my Bucky._

Christopher tightened his grip on the fabric of Eddie’s shirt.

“Hi Ethan.” Christopher mumbled against the fabric of his Dad’s shirt. Christopher glanced up at Ethan through his eyelashes. He hadn’t known what to expect when he finally decided to leave the confines of his bedroom.

Ethan didn’t seem as scary as he expected.

But that didn’t mean he would warm up to him quickly.

Christopher scanned the room around him taking in all the toys he had left on the floor, even though he was asked to clean them up. A small wave of guilt settled in his stomach like a heavy stone.

There was now more to the mess than what he had left this morning. There was now a multitude of Lego surrounded them like an ocean of colour.

Ethan was looking between the Lego and the front door where Evelyn had just walked out of.

“Ethan, do we want to see if we can beat Eddie and Chris at a building a spaceship?” Buck snatched up a few pieces of Lego and started to piece them together.

“Who said you were going to win Buckley? Maybe it will be Chris and I that beat you. Like we always do.”

“That’s only because I let you win.”

“Sure, you do Bucky.” Christopher muttered.

_

They didn’t manage to get Ethan to fully open up, but that is what other visits were for. They knew that Ethan wouldn’t open up to them immediately, after knowing a little of his past.

“What do you think Chris? Do we want to hang out with Ethan again?”

But they knew fostering to adopt wasn’t to be that easy. It also wasn’t going to happen for them immediately. It was going to take a few more visits with Ethan to even get the fostering process started.

Buck and Eddie had found it hard to see Ethan leave their home. Buck more than Eddie. Eddie was still trying to find his feet with Ethan when it was time they had to leave. This wasn’t something Eddie was going to give up on. He wasn’t going to stop putting in the effort after only one visit.

They had already grown attached to him; they knew were risking their hearts getting attached so quickly. How were they not supposed to get attached? Obviously, they knew that Ethan wasn’t promised to them.

“I guess he’s ok.”

But they could only hope.

_

In between their busy schedules, they had tried spending as much time as they could with Christopher.

At least they tried to.

Eddie noticed that Christopher wasn’t himself. He was hiding himself away. He was brushing them off and snapping a lot more. Which wasn’t like him at all. Christopher had almost completely closed himself off. It happened more after Ethan had left.

Eddie thought Christopher was going to be more open with them about his feelings about the foster adoption process. Maybe he was being hypocritical, had he been open with Christopher like he needed to be?

Deep down, he knew the answer to that.

How was he meant to fix this?

Even Carla couldn’t get through to Christopher. Which was odd. Carla always knew how to get through to Chris. He would always be open with Carla, but something had changed.

Maybe it was Eddie’s fault for not being more open.

Yet, he felt like he was losing his baby. Chris wasn’t talking to him or even Buck.

Where did they go wrong?

Christopher seemed like he had inherited Eddie’s short fuse. Christopher’s temper would flare more often than not these days. It would go off each time they tried talking to him. He would listen to what they were saying, but he would get irritated and snap and storm off.

Buck seemed to be getting the brunt of it.

Each time Christopher would stalk off, Eddie could see Buck holding back tears.

_

Christopher was sitting quietly at the dining room table colouring in. Buck had been trying to engage Christopher. There had been many changes in Christopher’s attitude over the last week. It was giving them whiplash. Now, Christopher’s answers were now soft and shy, instead of harsh and blunt.

Which wasn’t like him at all.

But this was progress compared to the previous week.

“Christopher. You know you can talk to us about anything. Even if you think it will hurt us. We would never hold it against you. We want you to be happy as well. This isn’t just about us. We want you to be included in this decision as well.”

Eddie sat across from Christopher. He reached out a hand, and Christopher grabbed onto it tightly. He started to play with Eddie’s fingers. Christopher was running his fingers across the new addition to Eddie’s finger. The titanium wedding band that Buck had placed there a few weeks before.

Christopher shifted uncomfortably, unsure about what to say. Eddie thought maybe he’d give him a starting point. That way he could talk about what he had been feeling.

“Do you not want Buck and I to adopt?”

Christopher was about to say something when Eddie’s phone had started to vibrate and chime on the table.

He glanced at the screen and saw it was Extraordinary Families.

It was a bit late for a phone call.

Eddie closed his eyes and sighed deeply. “I’m sorry Superman, but I have to take this.”

“I’ll be back in a moment _._ Then we can talk about whatever you want.”

Eddie pressed a kiss to Christopher’s curls.

“This is Eddie.”

“Is this Eddie Buckley-Diaz?”

The voice on the other line was not one Eddie recognized. "It is..." Eddie spoke hesitantly. 

“This Emma Wilson from Extraordinary Families. I have been given your file from Evelyn. I have your request for more time with Ethan in front of me. I’m sorry to say that Ethan has been adopted. Which means we cannot go through with your request. His papers went through a few days ago. I thought Evelyn would have contacted you by now.”

Eddie could barely hear anything more from Emma. They had been too late. Ethan had already been adopted out from under them. He knew it could be a possibility. It still felt like someone had stabbed him in the heart.

“Mr. Buckley-Diaz?” Emma paused for a few moments, listening for any sounds from the other end of the line. “Are you still there?”

“I’m here.” To him, his voice sounded hollow.

How was he supposed to tell Buck and Christopher?

“I’m sorry to have to give you the news like this. Would you like Evelyn to hold on to your application?”

“I guess. I’ll have to talk to my husband. I— but hold on to it for now.” Eddie was watching Buck and Christopher sitting at the dining room table drawing together.

“We’ll be in touch Mr. Buckley-Diaz.”

“Thank you.” Eddie muttered before just staring at the phone until Emma hung up.

Eddie stood in the kitchen trying to comprehend what he had just been told. He knew deep down that this would happen. Adoption would not happen immediately; they both knew that. He knew there were other families wanting a child and had been going through this for years. It was still hard to hear.

He didn’t know if he could do this again.

Could he take that much heartbreak?

“Eddie? What happened?” Buck had seen Eddie just standing motionless while staring into space.

“Ethan’s been adopted by another family. He was adopted a few days ago. Only now just letting us know.”

“What? Weren’t they—?” Eddie could see Buck’s lip trembling. “What are we going to do?”

The other shoe had dropped.

Was this the beginning of a series of disappointments?

Buck was about to break, Eddie could tell. Eddie wasn’t too far away himself.

_

Buck and Eddie had Christopher in between them. Buck had let a few tears slip and clung tighter to Christopher.

Eddie swallowed roughly and let a few tears of his own slip down his cheeks. 

He hadn’t been expecting to feel this strongly about losing the chance to adopt a child.

It hurt more than he had thought. 


	5. Do We Really Want To Go Through This Again?

“How are we supposed to do this again?” Buck whispered brokenly and tucked himself further into Eddie’s side. Eddie found Buck’s hand and wove their fingers together.

“I wasn’t expecting it to hurt this much.”

Eddie had been trying to open up more. There were still times he did struggle to express what he was feeling. He knew this definitely wasn’t the time to hold back from Buck.

It wasn’t just him feeling this way.

“Do we even want to go through this again?” Buck tightened his grip on Eddie’s hand.

They were curled up together on the couch. Buck had tried to move off the couch earlier, but Eddie clung to him not letting him move away.

“All I know is, I don’t want to go through feeling like this again.”

“We knew the risks going in, but it still hurts once it happens.”

They weren’t getting anywhere.

They knew ultimately the decision had already been made for them.

Maybe it hurt, but they were going to try again; it wasn’t something they were going to give up on.

“Daddy. Bucky.” Christopher was standing in the doorway to the living room, he was clinging tightly to the door frame.

“Hey buddy. Come here.” Buck and Eddie shifted enough to make room for Christopher to lie in between them. The couch wasn’t made for three people to lie comfortably, Christopher didn’t seem to care as he squeezed himself in between Buck and Eddie.

“What’s going on Superman?”

“What’s going to happen to me?” Christopher was barely audible. Buck had to strain to hear him. Eddie shifted his gaze over to Buck puzzled. Buck shifted closer, wrapping his arm tighter around Eddie and Christopher.

“What do you mean, Buddy?” Buck had a sinking feeling that he knew what Christopher was feeling anxious about. He thought that they had been completely open about what was going on, it seems Christopher was a bit unsure about his place in the family after everything.

That seemed like the correct assumption.

Isn’t that how many children feel about a new family member entering the picture?

He had never been in that boat before, so he couldn’t exactly assume.

Instead, Buck thought he would be replaced by his team after his accident. It wasn’t the same thing, but it was close enough.

Buck felt his heart shatter, he wanted to soothe Christopher’s worries. Would he be overstepping if he did? Yes, he was married to Eddie but that didn’t mean he was Christopher’s father no matter how much he wanted to be.

“When you adopt. What’s going to happen to me?”

Eddie stared at Buck startled. Where did that come from? Why would Christopher think he was being replaced? Was it so unclear what they were doing that Christopher thought they had enough of him and was just going to replace him with another child?

“Baby no. No. You are not going to be replaced if that’s what you are thinking. You are always going to be ours. Nothing is ever going to change that. I can’t speak for your Dad, but I love you, so much. You have wormed your way into my heart. I definitely want you to stay there. No matter what.”

Buck pressed his face to the side of Christopher’s head and kissed his temple. He had just outright claimed Christopher as his. He didn’t know if he had the right to do that.

“ _Mijo._ I’m sorry if we ever gave you the impression that we were replacing you. That will _never_ happen. No matter what happens, you are my baby, it doesn’t matter how old you are. I love you too much to ever let you go. You are going to be the best brother. I hope you understand just because we are adopting doesn’t mean you are being pushed out of this family.”

Buck could understand why Christopher felt like he was being replaced. It was never going to happen, but there was still the irrational fear that it something better was going to come along, and you were going to be left behind.

“How do you really feel about becoming a big brother?”

If they were getting Christopher to finally open up, Buck wanted to know where Christopher stood on them adopting.

“I— I won’t be… replaced?”

“Never.”

Buck brushed a kiss to Christopher head and gently started running his fingers through his hair.

“I—I think— I want to be a big brother.” Christopher whispered, his eyes drooping as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

Buck felt all the tension leave his body.

“I’m sorry, Daddy.” Christopher curled closer into his Dad’s body. Tears had started to roll down his cheeks. “I’m sorry, Bucky.”

Eddie carded his fingers through Christopher’s curls, tears prickling in his own eyes.

The small family snuggled together on the small couch. It wasn’t the most comfortable location for a restful sleep, but Buck was perfectly content to lie here with his family.

_

“Hen. How did you and Karen do it?”

“Buckaroo. I really hope you aren’t asking what I think you’re asking.”

Buck realized what he had said and cringed. It wasn’t something he wanted to think about. He could be mature about this.

“Oh my god. No. Definitely not. What I meant to say was— How did you and Karen get through the stress of adopting Denny then deciding to foster?”

“What happened?”

Buck and Eddie hadn’t had the chance to tell the team what had happened with Ethan. They were still trying to process it themselves.

“We got the call two nights ago that Ethan has already been adopted.”

Hen’s heart sank, she hated seeing Buck like this. She hadn’t seen Eddie yet, but she knew he would be looking the same as Buck. No matter how much Eddie tried to hide from his emotions, they were breaking through for the world to see.

“I’m sorry, Buckaroo. What happens now?”

“We try again, I guess. No matter how much it hurts, we try again.”

She could see Buck fighting with himself. She knew how easy it was to decide to just throw in the towel and just run away. It was harder to stay and fight. Hen could see how badly Buck and Eddie had wanted this, she wished it would happen for them.

“To answer your question: Karen and I were always terrified that someone was going to come along and take Denny away from us. It almost happened. I have never been so scared that he was just going to disappear before my eyes. Getting through the stress of it wasn’t easy. Karen and I haven’t always had a smooth sailing relationship, no matter how it seems from the outside,”

Hen took a deep breath before continuing. Buck needed to hear this, no matter how much she didn’t like talking about it.

“Eva coming back. That nearly tore us apart. We hadn’t realized that Denny’s biological father could come along and challenge our guardianship of Denny. Instead of pulling Karen and I together, it nearly broke us. Denny is our son. But we could have lost him. Continuing with adoption is going to be a long emotional road, you’ve grown up so much Buck. You can get through this. It isn’t just you anymore. You have your husband and your son—“

“Christopher isn’t my son, no matter how much I want him to be. I can’t overstep and claim him. I have no right to do that.”

“Buck, have you spoken to Eddie about this?”

“What am I supposed to say? How do I even know that is something they both want?”

Hen shot Buck an unimpressed look. 

“Of course, I think of Chris as my own. But I just can’t claim him because that is what I want. It isn’t just about me.”

Buck was an oblivious idiot.

“Buck, the man married you. We were all there. In your vows you talked about having children together.”

“Yeah, any other children.”

Hen punched Buck in the shoulder and stalked off.

“You are an idiot!”

_

“Christopher, can I talk to you about something?”

Eddie stood in Christopher’s bedroom doorway, waiting for a cue to come in.

This had been a long time coming.

Christopher peered up at him warily.

“Did something happen?”

“No. Not this time. I wanted to talk to you about something that really needs your input.”

Eddie had been anxious about this ever since the idea had come up.

“What’s going on?”

Eddie was holding the papers shakily in his hand. What if this was something Christopher didn’t want? How was he supposed to handle that?

“I was thinking that maybe it was time that Buck adopted you.”

Christopher’s eyes lit up almost immediately.

“Yes. Can we adopt Bucky?”

Eddie laughed at Christopher’s wording. “Well, I already married him remember. This would just be making our family more official. So, Christopher do you want to be a Buckley-Diaz?”

Christopher nodded enthusiastically.

“Now what do we call your Buck?”

_

“Eddie your phone is ringing!” Hen called across the station. “Someone from Extraordinary Families it says.”

Eddie had never moved so fast in his life.

“Why are they calling you and not me?” Buck sounded offended; he was part of this too.

“Eddie Buckley-Diaz speaking.”

“Mr. Buckley-Diaz this is Evelyn.”

“Hi Evelyn. You can just call me Eddie. What can I do for you?”

Buck was standing in front of him listening eagerly. Hen and Chim had stopped to see if they could pick anything up from the conversation.

“First, I’d like to apologize for not informing you sooner about Ethan,”

Eddie’s heart clenched at remembering the pain they had gone through during that time. It had only been a month ago, a lot had happened since.

“We have a sweet young lady here. She is just over two years old. She has recently come back to us. Her foster family was only ever going to be temporary. She needs a loving home if you’d be interested in meeting her…”

“Yes. We’d love to meet her. When?” His heart started racing in anticipation.

“How’s tomorrow at 9am sound?”

“We’ll be there.”


	6. Charlotte

“I’m scared.”

So far, the car ride to Extraordinary Families had been silent. They were both nervous about their upcoming appointment.

Eddie was driving them to their meeting with Evelyn. They both barely had any sleep the night before, they had been overly anxious to head to their meeting.

They knew there was a chance that they wouldn’t be given the opportunity to foster the baby they were meeting. There were also other families in the same position, others didn’t have children at all, that had already been through years of heartache.

Would they even get the chance?

Evelyn seemed to think they had a high chance of bringing a child home, but Eddie still had his doubts about their chances. 

The foster adoption process was going to be months’ worth of classes, meetings, home visits. Even after getting approved to bring a child into their home, to start with they’ll only be able to bring said child home for a set period of time before sending them back until they go through the next set of meetings and home visits.

It was hard knowing that it may be months before they had the chance to bring another child into their home.

While going through their options this one seemed to be the one that would work best for them in their situation, but it was still going to be a long emotional road.

“I’m scared, too. Evelyn seems to think we have a high chance of this going through. But after last time...”

The wait was torture.

Eddie reached over to clutch Buck’s hand. He needed Buck to ground him. Everything was just all over the place at the moment.

“I don’t think I’ll believe it until it actually happens. I think until the adoption is finalized; I’m going to be on edge.”

How did people deal with this anxiety?

“Eddie, you missed the turn off.” Buck spoke gently squeezing his hand to get his attention.

“Damnit.” Great, now they had to take a different route to get back on track.

“We’ll get there.”

_

Eddie and Buck were sitting anxiously in the same waiting room as their first meeting with Evelyn. Originally, Evelyn was meant to bring the little girl to them, but she had to change the venue at the last minute.

Turns out they had to be a bit more flexible than they thought.

“Eddie. Evan. If you’d like to come on through,”

Evelyn was standing a few feet away with a small smile on her face.

“She’s waiting for you.”

_

Stepping into the room was left Buck with a slight feeling of dread. He was trying to tell himself not to get too attached.

_Do you really want to do this?_

_You are going to fail._

_They are going to see right through you._

Buck swallowed roughly and took another step forward, trying to ignore the wayward thoughts that were trying to drag him down.

Buck glanced to the middle of the room, sitting on the floor clutching an open book tightly in her small hands was a little girl with dark blonde hair.

Eddie stepped away from him and moved closer to the small girl.

“Evan, Eddie. This is Charlotte.”

Charlotte looked up from the book startled. Eddie saw her wide bright blue eyes looking up at them.

There was something familiar about her, Eddie just couldn’t put his finger on it.

“H— Hi.” Charlotte seemed to be trying to make herself seem smaller than she already was.

Eddie saw in his peripheral vision, Buck seemingly shaking himself off and bounded ahead to where Charlotte was seated. 

“Hi Charlotte! I’m Buck.” Buck in his excitement tried not to move too quickly towards Charlotte. Buck folded himself into a cross-legged position on the floor of the office.

Charlotte waved shyly at Buck. She shifted her gaze to the book in her hands and held it out to Buck. 

“You want me to read to you?”

“P-Peas?” Eddie could only just hear her from where he was standing. Yet, his heart was already melting at Buck interacting with Charlotte.

Buck got to his feet and held out his hand to Charlotte to lead her over to the small couch sitting in the corner of the office. Buck gently lifted Charlotte onto the couch before seating himself next to her.

“Come on Eddie. It’s story time.”

Eddie hesitated for a brief moment before following Buck and Charlotte’s path to the small sofa.

“Hi _Mi Nina_. My name’s Eddie.” He smiled gently, was he meant to sit down? He was hesitating. What was he meant to do?

She shyly waved back.

“Eds, are you going to sit down? Or are you just going to stand around like a weirdo?” Buck teased.

Buck and Eddie locked eyes. Eddie could see that Buck was nervous as well, it wasn’t just him that was terrified.

Eddie inhaled deeply and nestled himself next to Charlotte.

“Now that Eddie has joined us.”

_“Once upon a time there were four rabbits their names were Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail and Peter. They lived with their mother in a sandbank…”_

Eddie watched the interaction between Buck and Charlotte. Charlotte seemed to be trying to follow along. Well, as much as she could. She had her finger brushing each of the illustrations on each page as Buck read through each passage.

“Eddie’s turn?” Buck cheekily, reaching across Charlotte to tap Eddie’s shoulder.

“Still Buck’s turn?” Eddie muttered desperately. 

Charlotte shook her head and reached for the book. Buck grinned and handed the book over to Charlotte.

“H- hold it.”

Eddie cleared his throat ready to start reading the next passage.

His voice trembled a little as he got started, but slowly his voice got stronger the more he read.

_“Mr. McGregor came up with a sieve, which he intended to pop upon the top of Peter. But Peter wriggled out just in time, leaving his jacket behind him. And rushed into the tool shed and jumped into a can.”_

Eddie noticed he started to change the inflection of his voice has he read on like he would usually do when he would read to Christopher. Instead of looking at the pages in front of her, Charlotte was looking up at Eddie wide-eyed.

“Keep going? Or is it Buck’s turn?”

Charlotte tapped Eddie’s arm for him to continue.

_“It would have been a beautiful thing to hide in, if it had not had so much water in it. Mr. McGregor was quite sure that Peter was somewhere in the tool-shed, perhaps hidden underneath a flowerpot.”_

Charlotte had moved closer to Eddie. Even though she was the one holding onto the book.

Eddie paused for a moment to look over at Buck. Buck was watching Charlotte and Eddie intently, with a gentle smile. Eddie hadn’t even noticed that Evelyn had left the room, leaving them with Charlotte.

“Ed!” Charlotte squealed impatiently.

“Oh, I’m sorry _Mi Nina_.”

_“He began to turn them each over carefully, looking under each…”_

_

Charlotte wasn’t making saying goodbye easy. She was clinging onto Buck, not wanting him to let him go. “No.” Charlotte was looking up at Buck as her lip trembled.

Buck looked like he was about to cry. He didn’t want to leave her behind. He wanted to take her home with them.

“Uhhh—” Buck looked over at Eddie desperately.

What was he supposed to do? It was hard enough thinking of leaving her behind, not knowing if they’d ever see her again.

Buck crouched down and held out his arms. “Hug?”

Charlotte hesitated for a moment before holding her arms out for Buck.

Buck gently tightened his grip around her.

No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t promise that he’d see her again. It wasn’t something he was able to promise. Something he learnt through being a firefighter, don’t make a promise you can’t keep.

Not that he always stuck to following the rules.

Charlotte moved away from Buck and toddled over to Eddie and held out her arms.

Eddie could only guess that Charlotte seemed to be looking for the affection she had been missing out on.

Throughout their visit, Charlotte was more tactile than Ethan had been with them. 

Was she attention starved?

Did she get any form of affection growing up?

Eddie just wanted to give her all the love she deserved. He wanted to bring her back to their home and just love her.

Buck and Eddie walked out of the office, they tried not to look back, but they couldn’t help themselves. But what they saw was Charlotte watching them with a trembling lip. Eddie lifted a hand and waved before turning away.

He was trying to hold back his own tears.


	7. The Grey Rabbit

“We’ve only just applied to foster Charlotte. Are we really doing this now?”

Buck and Eddie had the day off and set aside time to paint Charlotte’s bedroom.

The pair were standing in the middle of the bedroom that they were using for Charlotte. Buck had a quizzical expression on his face.

“Where is your mind right now, _Mi Amor?”_

“Is this colour, right?”

They had been scouring paint cards since the day they had met Charlotte. They wanted to find a colour that was welcoming to paint the bedroom walls.

They had finally settled on the paint colour Frozen. They had gone through what felt like hundreds of swatches to find the right shade for Charlotte. The colour they had chosen was a pale blue that had been described as “Like the crisp winter air after a morning frost, this icy, cool blue is a confident classic that’s both fresh and invigorating.” Eddie didn’t know what had drawn Buck to the colour.

Yet, Eddie had also gravitated toward the colour ‘Frozen’.

Buck was muttering to himself and Eddie wasn’t able to understand what he was saying.

“Are you speaking English? _Mi Amor?_ ”

“Hmmm, what?” Buck flicked his gaze to Eddie. Sighed and went back to staring at the wall ahead of him.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“Where do we go from here?”

_

Buck finally shared his thoughts, and to be honest, Eddie was overwhelmed. There was still so much to do.

They still had to find bedroom furniture, that was next on their list.

But that wasn’t the last of it.

They were putting together Charlotte’s room a little prematurely. Their application hadn’t even been approved yet.

But they couldn’t wait.

This wasn’t something they could put together last minute. Buck did what he did best and researched. And in his research, he had found that other families that were in the midst of foster adoption had been doing the same thing.

It was going to be keeping them busy.

At least, for now.

Once the first coat of paint was on the walls, they had planned to take Christopher out shopping with them to pick out some furniture and toys to put into Charlotte’s room.

They knew there was a chance that Charlotte could be fostered by another family. 

Buck and Eddie were the ones who had initially been matched with Charlotte; they just didn’t know if there were other families waiting on the backburner who could snatch her up without warning.

There was a slim chance that Buck and Eddie could decide that Charlotte wasn’t going to settle in with their family. Buck hated to think about that. It just seemed too cruel to go through the entire process with a child and then deciding you actually didn’t want them.

The chances were slim, but it could still be the case.

Buck knew Charlotte could have some abandonment issues. He and Eddie had been told that Charlotte had been placed into foster care and had been passed around foster homes for the last year. Year and a half. They weren’t quite clear on Charlotte’s background.

No child deserved to be abandoned.

“Evelyn matched Charlotte with us. We have a high chance of being picked. We want Charlotte to feel welcome if and when she is placed with us.”

Eddie reached forward and pulled Buck to him, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“I’ll quickly finish this and then we’ll go.”

Buck left Eddie to finish painting while he went to bring Christopher into the room to get his opinion on the colour.

“Hey Superman. Want to see Charlotte’s bedroom?”

Christopher was sitting on his bedroom floor putting together Legos. He glanced up when heard Buck’s footsteps. 

“Are we soon, Bucky?”

“We are. Maybe clean up your Lego first.”

“Do I have to?” Christopher grumbled.

“Chris, you know you have to. I don’t want to have to ask again.”

He sighed, resigned and started packing up the small plastic blocks.

“Come on, Bud. Guide us with your wisdom. Your Dad and I are a bit lost.”

_

Buck had spent a lot of time scouring the internet for bedroom furniture. Eddie occasionally peered over his shoulder to give is opinion. They hadn’t ordered anything yet, but Buck had found a few pieces that had piqued his interest.

Who knew looking for furniture would be this hard?

Buck thought he had some taste when it came to furniture, but now he was struggling with coming up with something. Anything. Sure, there were pieces that had caught his eye, but nothing had really jumped out at him.

In the end, the bed they had ended up choosing was one that Eddie had found.

After scouring through endless web pages Eddie had found one that they could both agree on.

Would a canopy bed work for Charlotte?

Was she too little for such a big bed?

Buck was staring down at the box resting on the floor.

Maybe they should have just paid the extra amount for at home assembly.

Now that they finally had the bed, they also needed to order the toy box/bookshelf combo that Buck had found in his endless searching.

They would need to paint the shelving unit themselves, they just needed to pick a colour.

Oh joy, more paint pallets.

Buck had a list on his phone of things they needed to buy today. They had bedding, wall decals, drawers, the canopy, toys and a rocking chair on their list. There was also clothes that Charlotte needed, but clothing means sizing, and they didn’t quite know what sizes they needed for her.

“Where are we headed to first?” Eddie started up the truck after they were all buckled in.

Today was mostly just going to be for ideas. The bedding they would have to order online as well.

Buck had found a duvet set online that he had fallen in love with. Maybe he should have ordered that sooner, before it sold out.

The duvet design was a pale pink with little grey rabbits drawn doing different actions. He had bookmarked that tab on his laptop just in case they didn’t find anything while they were out shopping.

Knowing Buck, he had already made up his mind.

The website had a sheet set with the same design. Instead of going with the matching sheet set they decided on going with some light grey sheets.

“Do you think we should try pottery barn first?” Buck pulled out his phone to find the nearest Pottery Barn to them.

“Where is that exactly? What's the closest one?”

“Just checking now.”

_

“We’ll also have to go back to the hardware store to get some more paint. Did we decide what colour we were going to paint the shelf/toy box thing?”

They were walking the aisles of Pottery Barn looking for duvets.

“Uhhh— Pass.”

Buck shook his head, grinning at Eddie. Buck turned his attention over to Christopher, who was busy staring wide-eyed at the full colourful shelves.

“Do you see anything you’d think Charlotte would like?”

“They’re too pink.” Christopher pulled a face. Nothing was standing out to Christopher.

Everything just seemed plain. Buck did find a duvet cover with owls on it, which was the only one to stand out to him.

Christopher turned it down as soon as he set eyes on it.

“The bunny one is prettier. It isn’t too pink either.”

It seemed like they looked through the duvet sets multiple times. Christopher had a critique for every single on.

_“Too pink.”_

_“She’s probably never seen Frozen.”_

_“Way too pink.”_

_“Too many flowers.”_

_“I don’t think Charlotte would like brown.”_

_“White will get too dirty.”_

_“That looks like a picnic blanket.”_

_“That looks like Dad’s shirt.”_

Eddie was trying not to laugh as Christopher brushed each duvet off. Buck snorted when Christopher made the comment about Eddie’s shirt.

“He’s right, you know.”

“Charlotte needs something pretty. I think I like that bunny one you showed me the most.”

“I’ll order it when we get home.”

Christopher dragged them off to look at toys next for Charlotte.

Buck almost had a heart attack looking at the prices for wooden blocks. He had found wooden blocks with different pictures and numbers on the shelves in front of him.

Who pays fifty-four dollars for a set of wooden blocks? Firefighters didn’t make that much.

Buck stopped suddenly when he saw a light grey plush bunny rabbit with gold stars on its feet and ears. Buck reached out a hand and gently brushed a finger along the soft fur.

He needed to get it for her.

Something to welcome her home. For her to hold onto.

“You spot something?” Eddie whispered, wrapping his arms around Buck’s waist from behind.

“I want to get it for her.”

“Then get it.” Eddie kissed Buck’s temple before walking off to find where Christopher had run off to.

Buck plucked the rabbit from the shelf and went after Eddie and Christopher.

_

“Why didn’t we pay for assembly?” Buck muttered as he stared at the chaos surrounding him and Eddie.

Lying on the floor of Charlotte’s bedroom were the parts of the bed that were supposed to make a canopy bed.

Eddie was skimming the instructions that came with the bed. The mattress was leaning against the far wall waiting to be put on the bed frame base.

“This mattress is taunting us.” Buck looked away from the mattress and sat down on the floor cross-legged.

Eddie passed over the instructions for Buck to try make some sense of.

“We can do this. How hard can it be? We put out fires for a living. It’s just a bed frame.”

“It has taken us an hour to read through the instructions and to lay out all the parts. We’re screwed.” Buck grumbled.

Trying to read the instructions was like trying to read gibberish. If Christopher could see them now, he would be laughing at them.

Luckily, it was a school day. 

“Should we call Bobby?” Buck whispered to Eddie. Eddie was staring down at the pieces of wood in front of them with a bewildered look on his face.

“Where are we even supposed to start? The instructions are no help.”

“Says the man who puts out fires for a living.” Buck joked, reading the instructions for what felt like the millionth time.

_

“If we call Bobby, do you think he’ll laugh at us?”

It had taken them another hour and they had put two pieces together. That was maybe part of the base.

“I think we’re going to have to call Bobby.”

_

Buck answered the door while Eddie was interpreting the next set of instructions. Bobby turned up with Chimney.

Chimney was never going to let them live this down that they needed help putting a bed together.

“You guys can’t even put together a bed?” Chimney was snickering as he walked into the house.

“You’re laughing now. You won’t be when you read these stupid instructions.”

_

“You know you could have paid for at home assembly?” Bobby was holding two parts together while Eddie screwed them in. Chimney and Buck were working on the opposite side.

“You don’t have to keep reminding us.” Eddie grumbled.

“Have we made sure everything is the right way round? We don’t want to have to undo it.”

Buck was consulting the instructions while Eddie and Chimney were putting together the roofing section of the bed.

“Remember use the two different sized bolts for the top and sides.” Buck mumbled as he skimmed through the instructions, checking that they had done everything correctly.

The bed frame was slowly coming together.

Who wrote these instructions? They barely made any sense.

Staring at the instructions was giving Bobby a pounding headache. Eddie was getting frustrated. Chimney was… Something.

And Buck was just lost.

Maybe they all needed to take a break and come back with fresh eyes.

_

Bobby was unrolling the canopy ready to iron it so there would be no creases. Buck and Eddie had found a cream-coloured heavy canopy that would fit across the entire frame of the bed.

They were almost… finished?

Buck was staring at the frame that they had managed to finally put up. They still had to fit the slats into the brackets. Eddie and Chimney were working on the brackets where the slats needed to be placed.

Finally, the last pieces had been put into place, Eddie moved around the frame, making sure each of the bolts were tightened.

Eddie really didn’t want the bed to fall apart and undoing all their hard work.

Did it really take four of them to put a bed together?

“I think. I think it’s done.” Eddie took a step back to make sure that everything was in the correct place. It definitely looked like the picture.

“Do we make the bed before we put the canopy on?” Buck moved down the hallway to go dig out the linens out of the cupboard.

“Maddie just texted saying she was on her way. She is apparently bringing lunch and some things to decorate Charlotte’s room. I think that’s what she was saying. I couldn’t quite— I don’t.”

“Anyone for coffee?”

_

“These are adorable. Where did you find them?” Maddie was gushing over the duvet set Buck had picked out.

Maddie was shuffling through the linens that were about to go on the bed.

She handed Eddie the sheets, while she stuffed the into the duvet. 

The canopy had yet to go up. Eddie awkwardly shuffled around the bed, pulling the fitted sheet over each corner of the mattress. The flat sheet went next. It was awkward enough working around the frame of the bed. At least he didn’t have the canopy in the way. 

“Buck found them online. He’s been a little obsessed with the bunny theme. We were going to get the matching sheets, but it was just going to be a little over the top.”

Maddie finished with the duvet and handed it over to Eddie to finish making up the bed.

Bobby came into the room with Buck and Chimney trailing behind him.

Hanging the canopy over the bed frame was quite awkward, there was a specific way it had to be fitted onto the frame. All the edges had to be lined up. It had taken a few tries to get the canopy lined up. Bobby was up on the ladder adjusting the top of the canopy while the Eddie and Buck were lining up the edges of the canopy to the edges of the bed frame.

Chimney and Maddie were rolling back the opening of the canopy and clipping them into place with the straps.

“Where do we want these fairy lights?” Maddie had found small star fairy lights that she thought could be placed inside the canopy.

“You’d know better than we would.” Maddie could decide where the fairy lights would go. She had a better eye for it than they did.

Buck and Eddie had started to bring in the bookshelf from where the furniture was waiting in the garage.

Bobby and Chimney were following close behind with the chest of drawers.

They had managed to find the chest of drawers at a flea market and the toy box/bookshelf unit online.

Buck and Eddie had spent a free weekend sanding and painting each piece of furniture a cream colour. They had thought about painting them the same blue as the walls, but it decided against it.

Instead, they had chosen the shade Gentle Cream for the furniture. All the colours were looking the same. Why were there so many shades of white? They had tried to find a shade close to the canopy colour, they were never going to get an exact match, but they had found the closest shade. 

How were they meant to lay out the rest of the room?

So far, it was slowly coming together. 

Maddie had found a print of the letter ‘C’ which was written in light and dark pink flowers and greenery. She had placed it into a pale cream frame to be hung on the bedroom wall. Maddie had brought a lamp that had a cream lampshade and golden butterflies climbing the stem of the lamp.

The lamp was resting atop of the chest of drawers, which were now leaning against the wall across from Charlotte’s bed. Whereas the bookshelf unit was sitting in the far corner with a few books the team had brought for Charlotte sitting on the shelves.

In the opposite corner was a rocking chair Eddie still had from when Christopher was little. Eddie’s parents had shipped it over from El Paso for them.

They were still on the hunt for a few toys to place into the toy box, but for now, the room was complete.

It just needed Charlotte.


	8. Growing Our Family

This was all part of the process.

At least, that is what Buck was telling himself.

They had each been reminded after their individual interviews last week, but they thought there would be more time to prepare.

Well, prepare as much as they could.

Today Evelyn was doing their home check.

In the process of researching, he and Eddie had come across different requirements for different circumstances. On the whole, the requirements seemed to be the same, with a few variations here and there.

Each list they found was endless.

To simplify it: The lists seemed to include: Hazards, fire safety, general cleanliness of the home, accessibility, medical, bedrooms and their qualifications to name a few.

Under each heading there were multiple requirements that needed to be adhered to. From what they had read their home was up to standard.

Well, as far as they were aware.

Evelyn had to do the check to progress with their application as a formality.

During their research, Buck had found a mention about bed size and was a little concerned that the bed they had brought was too big for Charlotte. Was she too young for a bed that large? Would she need a smaller bed until she got to a certain age?

It could be something to bring up with Evelyn.

It would be easy enough for them to replace Charlotte’s bed with a smaller one.

Buck didn’t want them to be penalized for having a bed that wasn’t suitable.

“Eddie. It’s nice to see you again. Is Evan here?” Evelyn had a briefcase and a clipboard with her. Just seeing the clipboard made it all seem so daunting.

“He’s in the living room with our son, Christopher.”

Evelyn was scanning the home as she followed behind Eddie. The home had a cosy feel to it. It was warm and inviting. The home was well cared for, even with the busy schedules of the two men.

“Can we get you anything to drink?”

“That would be lovely. I’ll do your check first then we can sit down, and you can ask me any questions you may have going forward.”

Evelyn could see Buck curled up on the couch with Christopher. Christopher was reading to Buck for once.

“Evelyn. Hi. This is Christopher.” Christopher’s head snapped up from the book and he smiled shyly over at Evelyn.

“Hi.”

“Eddie, if you can show me around the home. We can leave Evan and Christopher to their reading.”

Evelyn dug through her briefcase and took out her checklists for the rest of the home. From her assessment of the exterior of the home she found that the yard was immaculate, they had a ramp to make the home more accessible for their son Christopher.

The home was mostly open plan. The kitchen and living room were separated by a half wall. There were no visible hazards. Eddie and Evan had started to baby proof the home. There were caps over electrical sockets and cleaning products were inaccessible to children.

“Do you have plans to get a car seat for Charlotte?”

“We have one that we are waiting to be delivered. Buck and I have done our research and found the one with an excellent safety rating. Buck and I have also talked it over and we are going to be trading in his Jeep for a car that has a higher safety rating.”

Evelyn nodded and took notes under the appropriate sections. “Are there any firearms on the premise?”

“No. Absolutely not. I may be ex-military, but I don’t actually like guns.”

Eddie looked uncomfortable bringing up his military career. Evelyn knew about his past as a soldier from each of the interviews he had. It was part of his past, but that didn’t mean he was that person anymore.

“How are you feeling about foster adopting Charlotte?”

“Buck and I fell in love with her immediately. We-“

Evelyn put her hand up to stop Eddie from continuing. Most couples did this. They would talk about their feelings as a whole, never about their own emotions on the subject.

“I’m asking about you, Eddie. Not Evan. How do you feel about this?”

“I’m not taking this lightly. Buck and Christopher have been the best part of my life—”

Eddie took a deep breath and struggled to arrange his thoughts. He didn’t want them to come out as an incoherent mess.

“I already love Charlotte. I’m not just going along with it. This was a joint decision. Yet, it wasn’t an easy decision for either of us to make. Buck and I have been talking about adding another child to our family since the beginning of our relationship.”

Eddie paused for a brief moment before continuing.

“I can’t wait until Charlotte is home with us. She is going to be so loved by all of us. Even our 118 family is excited for us. We aren’t alone in this. We never have been.”

Most men she interviewed were unsure of how enthusiastic they should be. 

There was a lot of emotion that went into the foster adoption process, many couples struggled with balancing their emotions.

Fostering wasn't for every couple. 

Adoption wasn't even an option for some couples. 

Most couples rather went for IVF or Surrogacy, not everyone could handle raising a child that wasn't biologically theirs. 

Eddie was one of those men who struggled with being more open, sometimes it just became a habit to hold things back.

After everything he had been through growing up with his father. It wasn’t manly being sensitive.

At least, according to his father that is.

It would always take some effort to push the opinions of his father aside.

Evelyn remembered seeing Eddie with Charlotte during that first meeting. It was obvious to her that Charlotte had stolen his heart and Evan’s.

What Evelyn hadn’t mentioned to the men was that Charlotte had been mentioning Evan and Eddie to her temporary foster family.

Charlotte had grown attached to the pair as well during that first visit.

She didn’t know if mentioning it to them would get their hopes up.

“Will Charlotte be having her own room?”

“We were going to wait, but decided it was something we wanted to do now.” Eddie pointed Evelyn towards Charlotte’s new bedroom.

Evelyn stepped into the medium sized bedroom. The first thing she saw was a framed floral letter C hanging slightly off centre on the wall. Just below was a cream bookcase.

The room had been painted a lovely pale blue.

Buck and Eddie had put a lot of thought into putting Charlotte’s room together.

A twin sized canopy bed sat in the middle of the far-left wall. It wasn’t overly packed with furniture. There was a rocking chair in one corner. Drawers that had been set to one side and a bookshelf that had a toy box attached. There were a few books already packed onto the shelves, even a few toys placed into the toy box.

“Buck’s sister Maddie helped with a few of the decorations. The lamp and the floral C were her contributions. Oh— wait. Also, the fairy lights. Our entire 118 family have been supportive, they’ve been here for us as we need them. Even when we haven’t asked for it.”

Evelyn smiled. She brushed her fingers along the butterflies twisting around the lamp. She made a few more notes in the bedroom section. Evelyn wouldn’t have to worry about Charlotte in this home, yet she still had to finish her observations for the report.

“Buck did have some concerns about the size of the bed that he’s going to bring up to you.”

“I don’t think you’ll have a problem.”

_

“Do you have any questions for me?” Evelyn was sitting down with Eddie and Evan at the dining room table. Christopher had gone off to play in his room.

“I did have concerns about the size of the bed, we got for Charlotte. Is it too big? We can get a smaller one if we need to.” Buck rambled on nervously. 

“Thank you for your concern. The bed size shouldn’t be too much of a problem. I’m not overly concerned. I’m just going to now go over a few questions. We’ve been over this in your first interview and your separate interviews. But I just need to reiterate. If both of you have to be called into work together, what is your backup plan? Has that changed?”

“Carla, our home aid will be available in some cases. We aren’t her only clients, but she is open to being on call with us as we need her. We do have other family that are more than happy to help out when they aren’t working.”

Evelyn went on to talk about some of the things she had already gone over with them in their interviews, but needed to confirm that things hadn’t changed.

A week ago, Evelyn had Eddie and Evan’s individual interviews.

Evelyn had gone more in depth during their separate interviews.

Eddie had confided in her about how he was terrified of being like his father. He didn’t want to just brush things off anymore. Eddie was trying to be more open with his emotions, but he was still struggling. Eddie had been a lot more open about his affection for Evan and Christopher. Holding back wasn’t an option anymore.

He had held back long enough.

Eddie wanted to be a better father than his own was. He wanted to be around to see Christopher and Charlotte grow up. He didn’t want to watch from the background. He wanted to be more involved, than what his father was.

Evan had the same fears. He was also scared of turning out like his father. He hadn’t been raised in the best environment. After his father and foster care, Evan wanted to do things differently. He wanted to be a better person for his husband and children.

Eddie and Evan hadn’t had the best childhoods, but from what Evelyn had seen their home was a loving environment. She could see them giving each other, soft looks, unconscious touches throughout the home check. They liked to flirt and tease each other. Eddie and Evan were comfortable with each other, that much was obvious.

Evelyn needed to get the pair ready for the next stage.

Charlotte’s first home visit.

_

Charlotte was coming for her first home visit today.

Buck was quivering with a mixture of nerves and excitement.

It was only a few hours. They could get through this.

They could welcome Charlotte into their home.

They weren’t going to mess this up.

This was only Charlotte’s first home visit with them. If this went well, slowly they’d progress to overnight, then to a weekend and so on.

Eddie could see Evelyn leading Charlotte up the small path heading to the front door. Eddie’s stomach clenched nervously.

Buck went over to the front door when Evelyn rang the doorbell.

“Buck!” Charlotte squealed and threw herself into Buck’s arms. Buck scooped her up and held onto her tightly. He felt tears welling in his eyes immediately.

“Hi, sweet girl.” Buck breathed in the scent of her dark blonde curls. Buck hadn’t been expecting her to run straight into his arms. He had expected some shyness, but there didn’t seem to be any, going by her reaction.

“Lottie. Who’s that?” Buck stood up and pointed at Eddie, who was standing with Christopher watching the exchange.

“Ed!” Charlotte wiggled in Buck’s arms, wanting to be put down.

“Ed!” Charlotte moved quickly and threw herself into Eddie’s waiting arms.

“I think Charlotte will be fine. I’ll be back at one to collect her. If you have any question you have my number.”

Evelyn left them to it.

Charlotte was in good hands.

“ _Mi Niña_. This is Christopher. Chris, this is Charlotte.” Eddie crouched down with Charlotte still in his arms.

Charlotte reached out a hand tapped Christopher on the hand. “Hi.” Charlotte pressed herself closer into Eddie’s side.

Christopher grinned brightly. “Hi Charlotte.”

“Do you need to use the bathroom?” Eddie whispered to Charlotte. She looked at him quizzically for a brief moment before shaking her head.

“What about a snack? Or do you want to see your room?”

“Ro-room.” Eddie went to put her down so she could walk, instead she clung tighter to him.

Eddie walked through the house carrying Charlotte. He knew once they were in Charlotte’s bedroom, they would need to give her the opportunity to explore on her own.

Buck stayed back in the kitchen to put together a snack. Christopher decided to wander after his Dad to Charlotte’s bedroom.

_

“Here we are.” Eddie put Charlotte down to let her wander and explore. Was he meant to stay and watch? Or just leave her to it?

Christopher stood next to him and watched Charlotte stand in one spot and look around.

“Charlie. Do you want to read a book?” Charlotte looked back at Eddie and Christopher and nodded shyly.

Eddie lifted Charlotte back into his arms and walked over to the bookshelf.

“Which book?”

Charlotte pointed to a book on the shelf that Hen and Karen had brought for Charlotte.

“I haven’t read this one before.” Eddie walked over to the rocking chair and sat down with Charlotte curled into his side.

“Come on _Mijo.”_ Christopher clambered onto the chair on Eddie’s other side.

“ _And a Tango Makes Three,”_ Eddie dramatically cleared his throat. “ _In the middle of New York City, there’s a great big park called Central Park. Children love to play there. It has a toy boat pond where they can sail their boats. It has a carousel to ride on in the summer and an ice rink to skate on in the winter. Best of all it has its very own zoo.”_

“You’re reading without me?” Buck was standing in the doorway grinning.

“Come join us, Bucky.”

“Where? There’s no room.”

“I’m sure we can make some room _Mi Amor._ ”

Buck found himself squeezing onto the arm of the rocking chair. It wasn’t the most comfortable, but there was no way he was missing this.

“We all ready?” Eddie looked to Charlotte, Christopher and Buck. Charlotte tapped the illustrations on the page.

“Peas Ed.”

Buck was sitting on the arm of the chair quickly awkwardly. They hadn’t quite thought this through.

“ _Every day families of all kinds go to visit the animals that live there, but children and their parents aren’t the only parents at the zoo. The animals make families of their own…”_

_

“Charlotte what would you like in your sandwich?” Buck held up the egg salad that he had put together and the jar of strawberry jam.

Buck was standing in the kitchen putting together lunch, which he had left when he heard Eddie talking about reading.

Charlotte pointed to the egg salad. “P- peas.”

“Coming up. Do you want apple or banana?”

“Nana peas B-Buck.” Charlotte was sitting next to Eddie at the dining room table. Eddie had already gotten her a cup of water to drink, which had been left mostly untouched.

When they were all sat at the table, Charlotte still wouldn’t start eating.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Buck shot a worried look in Eddie’s direction. “Aren’t you hungry?”

Charlotte shrugged. Buck knew this may happen. Sometimes foster children were just too shy to eat, even though they are hungry.

“You can eat baby.” Buck tore a piece off his own sandwich and handed it over to Charlotte. “Did you want some of mine?”

Charlotte shyly reached for the piece of sandwich and took a small bite.

After eating the piece of Buck’s sandwich, Charlotte started to eat off her own plate in front of her.

_

Christopher and Charlotte were seated in the middle of the living room playing their version of Snap.

Which meant Charlotte was just smacking the cards and giggling.

Buck had to dig out the cards. He had no idea where they were to begin with, they had managed to somehow get to the very back of their junk drawer.

They had tried playing Memory earlier. They weren’t really following the rules. Charlotte shrieked with delight as she turned over each card in front of her.

Christopher had endless patience with Charlotte. His attitude had improved completely, Christopher was growing up. He was beginning to accept that he would always have a place in their family.

Charlotte wasn’t there to replace him.

Christopher was connecting more with Charlotte.

Charlotte’s laughter had been contagious, which sent Christopher cackling along with her.

Buck stood watching Charlotte and Christopher from the edge of the living room.

Eddie came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Buck’s waist.

“Think we made the right decision?” Eddie rested his chin on Buck’s shoulder and tightened his grip on Buck’s waist.

“Yeah. I think so.”

_

Charlotte was clinging tightly onto Eddie when Evelyn had tried to take her back.

“No. Want to stay.” A tear slipped down Charlotte’s cheek.

Buck and Eddie knew it wasn’t possible for Charlotte to stay right now. That didn’t mean it wasn’t hard to let her go.

_

Buck was sitting on the couch staring forlornly at the front door.

Buck heard Eddie and Christopher whispering to each other in the kitchen. He couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. He did hear something about “do” and “now”.

Buck looked over at the kitchen curiously. Christopher was walking over to him with papers clutched in his hands.

“Hey Buddy.” Buck pulled Christopher onto his lap. “Whatcha got there?”

Eddie was standing at the edge of the living room watching the pair. “Babe. What are you doing standing over there?”

Eddie smiled softly before walking over to the couch and sitting down. He shuffled over and pressed himself up against Buck.

“Shall we look at them together?” Buck turned his attention back to Christopher and the papers he had clutched in his hand.

Buck skimmed the words on the pages in front of him. He had to read the words a few times before he could comprehend what they were saying.

The papers started trembling in his hands. He felt a tear run down his cheek.

“Are you serious?” The words were coming out garbled.

What was happening right now?

“Will you adopt me, Bucky?” Christopher had pressed his face into Buck’s neck, even though the words were muffled Buck could still hear Christopher clearly.

Buck tightened his grip on Christopher and looked over at Eddie.

“It was my idea, but Christopher was all for it. He wants to adopt you Buck.”

Buck let out a breathless laugh. “Can someone get me a pen?”


	9. A Weekend With Charlotte

Buck was bouncing on his toes with a mixture of nerves and excitement. His eyes kept darting to and from the front door and back to Eddie.

His heart was racing in anticipation.

Eddie was watching him with a gentle smile on his face.

“You alright there, _Mi Amor?_ ”

Buck stopped bouncing, instead his fingers were twitching, restlessly. Eddie reached over and grabbed Buck’s hand.

“Buck. It’s going to be fine. It’s not like we’re strangers to her.”

“But what if she decides she doesn’t like us?”

Eddie snorted. “She adores you Buck. That much is obvious.”

Eddie pressed his forehead to Buck’s temple and breathed Buck in.

“I know this is scary. It is our first full weekend with her. I’m terrified, too.”

A full weekend.

Had they really made it this far?

They hadn’t really thought this far ahead. How were they meant to entertain Charlotte for a full weekend?

Christopher had chimed in with the idea about going to a water park since they haven’t done that together before. In general Buck had never really been big on water. Swimming in open water, that made him panic.

It wasn’t that he had ever had a traumatic experience around water.

It was more the unknown.

Open water made him more anxious than say an enclosed pool.

Going to a water park shouldn’t trigger his anxiety, but he hadn’t been to one in years.

So, he couldn’t quite comment on how he’d react.

His water anxiety hadn’t hindered him on the job just yet. He had found out while trying for the SEALs that his water anxiety had increased tenfold. He couldn’t get passed it. It wasn’t something he could easily get over. There was just something about water that just made him anxious.

What he had told Bobby that time in the locker room had been correct, they wanted people who could flip a switch on their emotions. But he could never turn off his anxiety or any other one of his emotions.

He could never let himself become a machine, no matter the circumstances.

The tsunami that had hit Los Angeles all those months ago had nearly sent reeling. He and Christopher were supposed to be down at the pier that day. Instead, at the last minute they had changed their plans and they decided to make the trip to the zoo.

How much of a setback would he have had if they had been caught in the tsunami?

“Would Charlotte need a swimsuit?”

Buck muttered to himself. His mind was now slipping back into planning mode.

Would she come with everything she needed, or would she only come with the bare minimum?

How had they not thought of all this to begin with?

They were quite out of their depth here.

“We’re going to have to do more shopping aren’t we?” Eddie glanced over at Buck who nodded at him sheepishly.

Eddie sighed, resigned.

Shopping for Charlotte’s bedroom had taken a lot out of them both. They probably made it harder than it needed to be, but it had sucked them in and they lost themselves to the project.

The end result was a space they had created, one where they hoped Charlotte would feel safe.

“I think we might have to.”

_

Eddie was nuzzling his nose into Charlotte’s cheek and clutching her to his chest.

She had stumbled over to him once she had seen him. He felt a little bad for Buck as Charlotte had completely surpassed him and went straight to him.

“ _Mi Niña_.” He didn’t want to let her go, but he needed to at least give Buck a turn to hold her.

Charlotte was looking up at him. She was trying to get her eyes stay open and she was fighting a losing battle. “Ed. Seepy.” She mumbled pressing her face into his neck.

Evelyn had been running behind with dropping Charlotte off to them. She had said the foster home Charlotte has been staying at had forgotten that Charlotte was supposed to be away for the weekend with a potential family.

Buck had already gone through Charlotte’s bag and noted that there didn’t seem to be full outfits in there. Clothes had just been seemingly scooped up and thrown into the bag without a single thought.

Even if they were in a rush, they could have at least put some thought into what was being packed.

Did these people even care about Charlotte’s wellbeing?

Buck was about to snap.

Had Evelyn even checked the bag before she brought Charlotte to them?

Wasn’t Evelyn responsible in some way for Charlotte’s wellbeing?

Eddie noted the expression on Buck’s face.

It was like he was trying to calm himself down.

Evelyn hadn’t legally been able to tell them much about the foster home that Charlotte was staying at for now. Just that she wasn’t the only child in that foster home. The home had been already at capacity and that was all that Evelyn could tell them. They were trying to get Buck and Eddie approved to have Charlotte full-time to move her out of the other foster home.

Were the children just being treated as an afterthought? It was heart-breaking to think about the situation all these children were in. That were waiting for loving homes and had to fight for some form of attention and affection.

Charlotte arrived wearing only a pair of leggings which had been paired with a yellow t-shirt.

Buck and Eddie shared a distressed look, both thinking the same thing. They needed to replace a majority of Charlotte’s clothing.

Was she even being cared for in her temporary foster home?

They knew money at foster homes was scarce. They also knew there would never be enough to buy new clothes for each child. Buck knew from his time in foster care that each foster family got a small stipend for clothing and food, but it was never enough to provide fully for the child.

And some families never used the money for the foster children.

Maybe that was something they needed to bring up with Bobby. Starting a fundraiser for foster homes to get the children new clothes, toys, and any other things they would need that couldn’t be provided for them.

They always have their annual toy drive for the Children’s hospital at the end of each year, they could talk to Bobby about adding on another event to help support the local foster homes. Hen and Karen would be on board as they had been fostering Nia for six months and were planning on taking in another child at some point. 

Bobby would hopefully be on board, maybe they could also get the LAPD involved in the fundraiser. Buck had heard stories from Athena about some of the callouts she had been to for welfare checks, some things just never leave you.

Charlotte held her arms out for Buck to take her.

“Oh, is it finally my turn?” Buck quipped cheekily, reaching for Charlotte, and bringing her into his arms. He pressed wet kisses to her cheek, and she squealed trying to squirm away from him.

“Charlotte seems to be in good hands. I’ll see you all on Sunday.”

Evelyn waved and left the Buckley-Diaz residence.

“Is it dinner time Lottie?” Buck walked into the kitchen with Charlotte in his arms.

_

Charlotte had pasta sauce smeared all over her face and hands as she tried to feed herself. Buck had tried to feed her, but Charlotte had wanted to do it herself. She ended up deciding the fork wasn’t as fun as using her hands.

Buck had a close eye on her while he had his own dinner. Charlotte was enthusiastically shoving food into her mouth. He was more concerned that she hadn’t been getting enough food. As soon as the plate had been put down in front of her, she had taken the fork from Buck’s hand and tried to get the food into her mouth as quickly as possible.

He didn’t want her to choke.

Buck had attempted to coax Charlotte into slowing down, but she looked ready to burst into tears.

Eddie looked stricken. He knew that there were a lot of children at Charlotte’s foster home. Charlotte seemed to be protective of what food she could get her hands on. Were they having to fight for what they could get? They had seen a lot in their career, but seeing it in your own home, made it much more distressing.

Christopher was trying to be a good influence and eat his own vegetable without pulling too many faces.

Chris had never been a huge fan of vegetables no matter how hard Buck and Eddie had tried to get him interested.

Christopher had speared a broccoli floret and was staring it down with distaste marring his face.

Charlotte was watching Christopher and had picked up her own piece of broccoli and shoved it into her mouth.

“Charlie doesn’t think broccoli is that bad.” Eddie nudged Christopher gently. Chris sighed and put the piece of broccoli in his own mouth reluctantly.

The aftermath of dinner was pasta and sauce surrounding Charlotte’s mostly empty plate. A lot of the sauce had ended up covering her face.

“I’ll get the bath started.” Buck quipped and picked up his and Charlotte’s plates.

After rinsing the plates and arranging them in the dishwasher. Buck continued on from the kitchen, making a detour to the bathroom to start running Charlotte a bath.

_

Eddie was observing Buck with Charlotte and Christopher from the doorway. The three of them were all curled up together on Charlotte’s bed. Charlotte’s cheeks were flushed pink from her bath.

Buck was reading them a bedtime story. From what Eddie could tell the book was _The Rainbow Fish._

Buck’s voice was soothing murmur as his voice barely rose as read about the shimmering scales of the Rainbow Fish.

Charlotte had fallen asleep at the beginning of the book and Buck had yet to notice as he was still reading.

Buck continued on with the story when he felt Christopher nudging him gently to get his attention.

“Charlotte fell asleep.” Eddie could hear Christopher whisper loudly.

There was a brief moment of silence before Christopher brushed a kiss to Charlotte’s hand that was clutching the grey bunny that Buck had given her. Chris wiggled off the bed trying not to disturb Charlotte.

Buck closed the book and pressed a kiss to Charlotte’s forehead, smoothing her curls back off her forehead. He turned on the fairy lights before walking out of the room. Not before stopping and looking back at her sleeping figure.

Eddie walked over to the end of Charlotte’s bed. He carefully kneeled on the bed and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead before leaving the room. Not before leaving the door open a crack.

Eddie turned to follow Buck into Christopher’s room to finish putting Chris to bed.

Then themselves.

_

“Where do we even start?”

Buck was wandering up and down the clothing aisles at Walmart, not knowing where to even begin putting together a new wardrobe for Charlotte.

Usually when he did his own clothes shopping, he was in and out. He wasn’t big on shopping for himself. It always seemed to drag. Online shopping was easier and took less time.

His schedule never left a lot of time for much else.

“Maybe a swimsuit to start with?”

Charlotte was clutching Eddie’s hand as she toddled on beside him as they wandered the aisles.

Christopher was following behind them at a sedate pace.

Usually, he at least had some patience when it came to shopping, but today wasn’t that day. 

Buck was bewildered by the array of swimsuit choices surrounding them.

What was with all the bikinis?

Why did toddlers need bikinis?

Charlotte was two, it’s not like she needed to be wearing a bikini at her age.

Did they really need to sexualize toddlers?

Already this shopping trip was making him uncomfortable.

There was a swimsuit that caught Eddie’s eye. He redirected Charlotte over to the clothing rack. The suit was a Navy-blue one-piece swimsuit unlike the many other pink ones they had already seen.

He went looking for what he thought would be Charlotte’s size.

Eddie turned around to show Buck. “You are hilarious.” Buck grumbled sarcastically.

The swimsuit was done up like a Navy-blue version of a sailor’s uniform.

“ _Mi Niña_ , do you like this one?” Eddie held the suit out to Charlotte to see what she thought. Charlotte pursed her lips and reached forward.

Eddie handed the suit over and she clutched onto the smooth fabric.

“I think she has spoken.”

_

As they walked through the aisles finding whole new outfits for Charlotte, they could see that they were losing both Charlotte and Christopher’s attention.

They had already spent over an hour throwing different pieces of clothing into the cart. They had found multiple sets of pyjamas, shorts, jeans, leggings, sweaters, shirts in varying styles. They even had to find some socks and underwear to add to the mix.

Charlotte had gotten tired of walking. Which meant she had pulled the puppy dog eyes on Eddie and he had to be the one to carry her around the store while Buck went looking for clothes.

Christopher had found a pair of overalls that had embroidered white flowers on each leg and on the front chest pocket and he had thrown it into the cart before any of them had realized it. They had to go back and switch the sizes once they had noticed that Chris had grabbed the wrong one. 

“We have to find her a jacket.” Buck mumbled, rechecking his list.

The list of clothes they needed for Charlotte seemed to never end. Once they thought they had everything, they seemed to remember something else to add to the list.

“Does she need new shoes?” Buck looked down at Charlotte’s feet that were in sneakers that were scuffed and worn like a lot of the rest of the clothes in Charlotte’s bag of things she arrived in.

All Buck could see were sparkles and pink. He could understand some pink, but not this much. This much was a little excessive.

Eddie did manage to find some cute sandals that were not in any way shape or form pink. They were brown with Navy polka dot bow on the toe strap.

“We would have better luck in the boys section finding sturdier shoes.” Buck muttered, staring down the wall of pink and sparkly shoes. The shoes had also been overrun in cartoon characters.

“Are Mickey and Minnie supposed to be kissing?” Eddie looked warily at a pair of slippers hanging in front of him.

“Dad. When are we going swimming?”

_

After everything, they didn’t end up at the water park until the following day. Shopping had taken a lot out of all of them. Their bank account had taken a bit of a hit with the new wardrobe for Charlotte as well as her bedroom furniture.

Charlotte should be all set for everything she needed.

They hoped.

Charlotte had been ready for a nap even before they had left Walmart and no matter what Christopher said, he was tired, too.

He had been walking sluggishly behind them for some time.

Maybe they all needed a nap.

_

Buck crouched down in front of Charlotte and slathered her in sunscreen. When Buck wasn’t paying attention, Charlotte managed to slip the tube out of his hands and smear sunscreen all over Buck’s arms and face. Eddie gently coaxed the lotion out of Charlotte’s hands to use on himself and Christopher. He and Christopher were about to run off to some of the other water slides in the park.

Christopher was eager to get moving, he had seen a waterslide he wanted to go on when they were walking through the park. It was called something Falls; Christopher had been talking too quickly in his excitement.

The sun was beating down on Buck as he leant back in an inflatable tube. He had Charlotte in his lap, leaning against his chest as they floated down the Lazy River.

The water wasn’t as warm as he had been expecting. It wasn’t cold by any means, but there was still a slight chill to it. The sun rays beating down on his skin seemed to balance it out, there was a slight breeze that was nipping at the skin that was exposed.

Charlotte was wide-eyed as they floated down the slow river. There were squeals and laughter of other children in the river. Charlotte was kicking up her feet and sending small waves of water onto Buck’s bare legs.

Buck observed as other parents and children floating by some seemingly relaxing while they still could and others just racing by as they headed towards the exit. 

The inflatable tube rocked erratically as Buck and Charlotte were hit by a large wave of water completely soaking them both. Charlotte was quiet for a moment before letting out a stream of startled coughs.

“Sorry Mister.” A young boy raced passed them in a yellow and clear inflatable tube.

Buck turned Charlotte in his arms, so she was facing him and straddling his waist. “There’s my sweet girl. That gave you a fright didn’t it.”

Buck gently patted Charlotte’s back as she spluttered a few times. Buck pressed his lips to Charlotte’s forehead.

“Shall we turn you back around?”

“Peas Buck.” Charlotte wiggled in his arms. Buck carefully turned her back around, careful as to not let her fall into the water.

“I spy… With my little eye. Something yellow.” Buck whispered in Charlotte’s ear.

“Dat.” Charlotte had pointed to one of the inflatable tubes in floating by in front of them.

“Good job, baby.” Buck pressed a kiss to the back of her head.

“How about… Blue.” Buck waited while Charlotte scanned the area in front of her.

Charlotte pointed to the decorative blue boat that was resting against a building as they were floating passed. “That’s right. Boat.”

“Oat?”

“Close baby.” Buck tried to pronounce it in a way that Charlotte could mimic.

Buck and Charlotte drifted to the end of the lazy river. Buck spent that time playing I Spy with Charlotte.

He could see that she was slowly getting bored. There was only so much he could do to keep her attention on the lazy river.

How long had the spent just floating down the stream? There were parents and children passing them at every turn.

After returning their inflatable tube, Buck carried Charlotte through the park trying to find somewhere he could take her next that would keep her attention. Most of the attractions they were passing they weren’t able to go on as Charlotte was too little.

“Bucky!” Buck turned quickly and saw Eddie and Christopher coming their way.

“Ed!” Charlotte tried to throw herself into Eddie’s arms. Buck had to tighten his grip on Charlotte so she wouldn’t fall out of his arms in her rush to get to Eddie.

Buck passed Charlotte over to Eddie.

“Are we— going on more water slides Buck?” Christopher breathed out excitedly.

Was it that time already?

How long had he and Charlotte been in the Lazy River?

“Sure are, Superman.”

“Bye Charlie, bye Dad. Let’s go Bucky.”

Buck pressed a quick peck to Eddie’s lips and another to Charlotte’s forehead before racing after Chris.

_

Eddie and Charlotte watched as Buck and Chris walked away from them towards the next set of water slides. Eddie wandered through the park until he came up to the sign for the kids’ zone.

Eddie stood with Charlotte in the shallow water where she could splash around.

He felt Charlotte tugging at his hands.

Eddie glanced down and saw Charlotte with her dark blonde curls plastered against her forehead.

“Peas Ed. Wa—Water.”

“Let’s go _Mi Niña._ ”

Eddie held onto her hands as she waded through the water, till they came to sprinklers water feature that had caught her eye.

Charlotte plopped herself into the water and the sprinklers rained down on her. Charlotte blinked up at him and held up a hand. Eddie smiled gently and ease himself down into the shallow pool next to where Charlotte had found herself.

Charlotte startled Eddie as she started to splash the water in all directions. It mostly it just got onto her and Eddie. Well, he was already soaked that wasn’t something he could easily avoid. He could feel his hair dripping down his neck. If he stood up the swim shorts, he was wearing would be clinging to him like a second skin.

He cupped water in his hands and gently trickled the water down Charlotte’s arms.

They spent a few minutes sitting together in the water. Charlotte babbled away, Eddie tried to keep up with what Charlotte was trying to tell him, but she was talking too fast.

Charlotte decided she had enough, and she tried pulling herself up and out of the water. Eddie gently grasped her arm and pulled them both up and out of the water. Charlotte pointed further out into the water to where the slides were.

He lifted her into his arms and put her onto his shoulders and carried her out further into the water.

Charlotte and Eddie went down the slides a few times before Charlotte had started to get restless. Eddie wanted to try out the wave pool, but he knew he’d have to keep a tight grip on Charlotte and not go too far out where the bigger waves were.

As they walked through the water park towards the wave pool, there were other families headed in different directions towards the different rides. There were families sitting on the park benches scattered about.

There was a lot of indistinguishable chatter and laughter around them making up the ambiance of the water park.

The pair made their way over to the wave pool where Charlotte had to be placed into a life jacket for her own safety, even though Eddie would be holding onto Charlotte the entire time.

Charlotte was laughing at the faces Eddie was pulling at her. Eddie had taken her out just far enough where the water was deep enough to reach his waist. He could have gone deeper, but the waves were bigger further out and the water was much deeper. Charlotte seemed to be content where they were, she was enjoying the motion of the waves bouncing her up and down in his arms.

They would have to head home soon, as Evelyn was coming to pick Charlotte up just after 3. They would have to be mindful of traffic heading back home. Christopher would be disappointed them having to leave early, but they needed to get Charlotte back before Evelyn arrived.

Charlotte having to leave them was always the hardest part of having her over. They never knew when she was coming back to them. There would always be a chance where she could be taken away from them permanently.

How much longer would they have to wait to have her with them permanently?


	10. She Looks So Much Like You

“We ready to do this?” Buck unbuckled Charlotte from her car seat.

Once Charlotte was in his arms Buck handed her over to Eddie. Charlotte clung tightly to Eddie’s shirt as her gaze darted around the park where families were dotted around.

She turned her face and pressed it tightly into Eddie’s neck shyly.

“Where did Bobby say they’d be waiting?”

“Uhh—” Buck glanced down at his phone, he pulled up the message that Bobby had sent earlier.

“Buck. They’re over there.” Eddie nodded towards the far side of the park where he could vaguely see Bobby and Athena.

As they moved closer, Buck saw Bobby and Athena setting up a picnic blanket on the ground under some trees nearby.

It was too late to turn back now.

Harry on the other hand was just standing off to the side waiting for the picnic blanket to be set out. Or he was just waiting for everyone else to arrive so he could go off and hang out on the playground with the other kids.

May had been unable to make it back for this family get together as she was off at college. She had also been working at the call centre part time, which meant she didn’t have much free time. 

She was going to try make it out for the next one.

He couldn’t see anyone else that had arrived yet. Maybe this would be better introducing Charlotte to Bobby and Athena first before ambushing her with the rest of the family. 

Buck shoved in phone back into his pocket and continued towards Bobby and Athena.

“There you guys are.” Athena started over towards the small family.

Charlotte lifted her head a little to meet Athena’s gaze. Athena’s demeanour changed immediately.

Her gaze had softened ever so slightly as she caught sight of Charlotte in Eddie’s arms.

“Hey, ‘Thena.” Buck bounded over and wrapped her in his arms and lifted her a little off the ground.

“Put me down Buckaroo.” She growled, playfully as she squeezed him back just as firmly. Buck let out a joyful laugh and set Athena back down.

“Hi Miss Athena.” Christopher waved from where he stood next to Eddie and Charlotte.

“Hey, Athena.” Eddie adjusted Charlotte in his arms before walking hesitantly over to Athena, he was still unsure how much affection he was allowed to give her. Even after all these years of knowing her.

Which meant he usually went with his go-to and gave Athena a one-armed hug.

Charlotte squirmed in his arms. “Do you want to be put down Charlie?” Instead she clung to him even tighter.

Guess not.

The group walked over to where Bobby was waiting patiently for his turn at being introduced to Charlotte.

“Charlotte, this is your Grandpa Bobby.” Buck quipped, cheekily.

“Thank you, Buck. Now I feel really old.” Bobby sighed before taking a step closer to Eddie and Charlotte.

Charlotte lifted her head to look fully at Bobby. She blinked back at him for a brief moment, before lifting her hand and waving at him. Bobby waved back and grinned at her before turning his attention to Buck.

“Does that mean Athena is Grandma?” Bobby playfully teased his wife.

“Don’t you dare. I am not old enough to be anyone’s Grandma.” Athena whacked Bobby on the arm softly.

Eddie settled himself and Charlotte down on the picnic blanket that Bobby had set out. He had to rearrange Charlotte, so she was leaning against his chest.

“What do you want to be called if not Grandma?” Buck had settled himself and Christopher across from Eddie and Charlotte on the picnic blanket.

Before Athena could come up with her own nickname, Charlotte mumbled, getting a few letters jumbled on the way out. “ _At— Attie.”_

“What was that _Mi Niña_?” Eddie pressed his lips to the top of Charlotte’s head.

“Attie.”

_

“Buck, she looks so much like you it is uncanny.” Maddie had just been introduced to Charlotte a few minutes prior. She had pulled Buck aside to talk to him. She hadn’t wanted to bring it up in front of everyone else in case she could be wrong.

Maddie kept diverting her gaze and away from Buck.

She was staring at Charlotte stunned.

“What are you talking about Mads?”

“She looks so much like you when you were that age.”

Where was Maddie going with this?

Why would she bring this up now?

She knew how hard this entire process had been on him and Eddie.

It didn’t make sense it him.

Why was she putting those thoughts in his head?

“Maddie. It’s impossible that she could be my biological daughter. I mean Ali would have told me if she was pregnant. Wouldn’t she?”

“I barely knew Ali, so I can’t really comment on if she would or not.” Maddie awkwardly gestured with her hands waving about. “Anyway… How is Charlotte settling in?”

“We’ve only had her overnight a couple of times. She seems to be settling with us.”

Buck shuffled his feet in the grass. “I know we still have a long road ahead of us. But we are cautiously optimistic this time.”

Buck knew how hard it was to give Charlotte back each time. How would he handle it if another family came up and took her away from them?

That was constantly on his mind. That was a big fear he and Eddie both had when they had first applied to foster adopt.

“She looks content with Eddie. She hasn’t let him go once.”

Charlotte had been unsure about all the strangers she had been introduced to. She wouldn’t let anyone else hold her except Eddie or Buck.

Charlotte and Christopher had made him so… Elated, more than content, more than simply happy.

They just made him better.

“Buck? You Okay?” Maddie lay a hand gently on Buck’s arm.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m doing great.”

_

“So, uh— We have some news.” Karen raised her voice over the conversations of the group.

The chatter immediately stopped.

“So, that’s what it takes to quiet you all?” Hen grumbled, jokingly.

“Nia is going to be staying with us now. We’ve decided to adopt her.” Hen looked bewildered, like she couldn’t quite believe it herself.

There was a moment of silence within the group before there was complete bedlam. Chim was the first to react. He pressed a wet kiss to the side of Hen’s head, pulling her into a tight hug. Hen cackled and shoved him away playfully.

The rest of the team swarmed towards Hen and Karen in complete excitement.

_

Charlotte had decided maybe it was time she went into someone else’s arms and reached for Athena.

Except Athena had been talking with Maddie, which meant she didn’t notice at first, Charlotte started to fuss when she realised that Athena wasn’t paying her any mind. 

“Attie!” Athena was close enough for Charlotte to tap on the arm. Eddie noticed her reaching over and had to tighten his grip before she toppled out of his arms.

“What is it baby?” Athena had turned her attention to Charlotte and noticed her reaching over.

“I think she wants you to hold her.” Eddie readjusted Charlotte to make it easier to hand her over to Athena.

Once Charlotte was in Athena’s arms, she had started chattering away to Athena. About what, Eddie couldn’t quite understand, but Athena was taking her newly appointed job as Attie quite seriously and was conversing back and forth with Charlotte.

Buck and Christopher had come over to see what the fuss had been about. Buck skidded to a halt in front of Eddie.

“When did that happen?” Buck gestured to where Athena was standing with Charlotte in her arms. Buck could hear Charlotte babbling on about something to do with splashing and bunnies. Was Charlotte telling Athena about her visits with them?

“It seems she wanted her Attie.” 


End file.
